- Uncle Ruckus: [Explaining to Riley how to behave when Cindy McPhearson gets in the basketball game] Lookin' at the white girl, that's a foul. Speakin' to the white girl, that's a technical foul. Touchin' the white girl... oh-ho-ho-ho-ho... that's a lynchin'!
- Ernie Johnson: [from Riley's dream] This Riley Freeman, a very exciting, but controversial player. Last year he became the first person to leave elementary school and go to the NBA when the Miami Heat signed him to a 3-gazillion dollar contract. The biggest in league history.
- Charles Barkley: I don't care how much they pay him, Ernie, this kid is a disgrace to basketball. He epitomizes everything wrong with the game today.
- Ernie Johnson: Now Charles, it seems to me that you're hatin' on Riley because he stacks paper to the ceiling and rides on 24-inch chrome.
- Charles Barkley: Yeah, that's true.
- Riley Freeman: Granddad, you messin' up my dream.
- Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: I paid for that bed you sleepin' on, so it's my dream too. You should probably wake up and smell the sheets. You know you pee the bed.
- Riley Freeman: I do not! Get out of my dream!
- reporter: [about Riley] So he's better than you?
- Shaquille O'Neal: Yes.
- reporter: And stacks more paper and gets more hos than you?
- Shaquille O'Neal: Absolutely.
- Uncle Ruckus: [to Riley] Only stealin' and shootin' I wanna see is on this here b-ball, you little future ex-con.
- Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Why don't you say something about her mama? Like her head's so big, she uses fitted sheets for a stocking cap.
- Riley Freeman: Wait wait wait, yo mama's so black, when she get out of the car, the oil light come on.
- Riley Freeman: [to Cindy] Yo parents gettin' divorced and they waitin' till after yo birthday to tell you.