- London Tipton: [singing the theme song to her web show] London Tipton's really great. Really great, really great. London Tipton's really great and deserves the opposite of hate which is love!
- Zack Martin: You know what? You don't know what it's like to have something you love taken away from you.
- Cody Martin: Oh, yeah? Last week, you stole my biology homework.
- Zack Martin: I'm talking about something that matters!
- Zack Martin: I haven't done any homework in like, three months.
- Mr. Moseby: The game's only been out for two weeks.
- Zack Martin: What's your point?
- London Tipton: [to Chelsea] Okay, imagine I set you up with a blind date with Cody.
- Chelsea: Ew, he's poor.
- London Tipton: I know. Just pretend.
- London Tipton: [to Chelsea] I understand you brought us a clip!
- Chelsea: That's right! It's sparkly and shaped like a butterfly. Can I show everyone how hideous it looks on that little blond nerd?
- Cody Martin: Hey! No, this little blond nerd still has blisters from those heels you made me wear!
- Cody Martin: [to London] I quit!
- London Tipton: What? You can't quit!
- Cody Martin: Oh, yeah? Then what do you call me leaving and never coming back?
- London Tipton: This is no time for trick questions!
- Chelsea: Welcome to "Yay Me! Starring London Tipton!"
- [pauses]
- London Tipton: [whispering] You're supposed to say, "Here's... London!"
- Chelsea: Oh, but you're not here. You're there.
- London Tipton: Our first guest today is... is...?
- Chelsea: What?
- London Tipton: When I say, "Is, is," you're supposed to tell me what to say like Cody does or I look stupid on the air!
- Chelsea: Uh, too late.