Psych (TV Series)

Lights, Camera... Homicidio (2008)

Saul Rubinek: Lance Rothstein

Quotes 

• Lance : [about life in jail]  I could wallow in the harsh underbelly of prison life and shake it up a little bit with the riff-raff.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Uh, the "riff-raff"? This is the Santa Barbara jail, not San Quentin.

  Shawn Spencer : It was written up in Fodor's last year as a nice spa alternative.

• [Shawn has to re-enter the scene before he can remove the real nails from the "prop" nail gun] 

  Quintessa Gabriel : [Spanish]  Oh, there you are, my dear. Here, hand me the nail gun.

  Shawn Spencer : [English with heavy Spanish accent]  Okay, here you go. But do not point this at me because is mucho dangerioso.

  Quintessa Gabriel : [Spanish]  I know that, my darling.

  Shawn Spencer : [English, Spanish accent]  Yo se that you know, but seriously, be very carefulio. You could muerteme with this thing because it is realio!

  Quintessa Gabriel : [Quintessa wrestles the nail gun out of his hands. In English:]  I love the improv, the passion.

  [Points the gun at him. In Spanish:] 

  Quintessa Gabriel : Of course it's real! As real as you cheating on me with my sister Serena, and getting her pregnant!

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : [Watching from beside the camera]  Shawn's the father of Serena's baby!

  Shawn Spencer : [Normal accent, whisper]  Please put that down, woman, it's loaded with *real* nails!

  Quintessa Gabriel : [In Spanish]  And it's you that killed Vincente!

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Shawn, watch out! Watch out!

  [Shawn ducks behind a chair, Quintessa fires and misses, Shawn sees the real murderer and figures it out] 

  Shawn Spencer : [English, Spanish accent]  No! You are wrong! I am not a murderero! But I know who iso! Yes: your twin sister.

  Quintessa Gabriel : [Spanish]  I don't have a twin sister.

  Shawn Spencer : [English, Spanish accent]  Yes, what I mean is, someone who wants to be your twin sister. Someone who wants to be you!

  Lance : [Watching on TV in jail]  I definitely did not write this.

  Quintessa Gabriel : [English]  Okay, I don't get it.

  Shawn Spencer : [English with accent]  No, it's like, uh

  [Spanish] 

  Shawn Spencer : beautiful girls... drinking... beer on the beach...

  Director : My God, he's improvising!

  Shawn Spencer : [Still Spanish]  with homicide... uh...

  [English with accent] 

  Shawn Spencer : Uh, can't do this... you make a translation for me, yeah?

  [Whispers in Quintessa's ear] 

  Henry Spencer : [Watching on TV at home]  Ah, high school Spanish comes back to haunt him.

  Quintessa Gabriel : [In English, pointing at Kelly]  She did it!

  Director : Pan over! Pan over!

  [Pan to shot of Kelly by the crafty table] 

  Shawn Spencer : [Normal accent]  After all that you just point at the murderer? Don't you have any sense of dramatic tension or build? Come on, what are we, on "Blossom"? No, you start by saying she was your biggest fan, you know? That she practically worships you, and that she read all the scripts. I got this, I got this.

  [Back to Spanish accent] 

  Shawn Spencer : You! Yes you! You hated it whenever Corrin was put into jeopardy! So you took it upon yourself to avenge her!

  Kelly : I had to! She cares too much! Her heart is too big for her chest!

  [Shawn glances at Quintessa's chest and shakes his head] 

• Lance : [Quintessa is pitching a tantrum in her dressing room, Lance is outside the door]  I promise you, I swear to you I'll change the line!

  Lance : [she opens the door]  I was misinformed! There's got to be another Spanish word for "nipple", just tell me what it is!

• Lance : What's he doing? Does he have a twitch or something?

  Director : I'm afraid that's called his "acting."

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : We're not actors.

  Lance : You're not?

  Shawn Spencer : Furthest thing from it. I'm a psychic.

• Lance : I think we've really got something here.

  Director : [dead pan]  Yes. He's my muse.