- Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Shoot, I betcha I could sneak a midget on the plane with a stick of dynamite up his ass.
- Huey Freeman: Granddad was forced to hire one of those no-nonsense super nannies, which actually worked out except... Granddad set up a nanny cam.
- Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: [plays the recording from the camera while talking to the nanny] And this is when you used my damn telephone for five minutes! Who the hell you got to talk to for five minutes? And this is when you left the lights on in the kitchen! I don't see nobody in the kitchen, do you, huh?
- [walks over to the door to let the nanny out]
- Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: Sitting in here, watching television, all the lights on, using up all of my electricity, eating a sandwich. You know, I'd like a sandwich myself! All my bologna is gone! What's wrong with you, woman?
- Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: I can't even go to dinner. I can't even go to a damn movie. I come back, the house look like Baghdad.