- Gus: What kind of kid doesn't play baseball? That's not American.
- Andy Anderson: What are you talking about? My kid is as American as... as... as those French fries you're eating.
- Coach Larry Rockwell: If at first you don't succeed...
- Little Louie: Quit.
- Coach Larry Rockwell: That's the spirit, son. Take a lap!
- Louie Anderson: You know what I like to do? I like to go down, take a nice walk right into a donut shop, get a great big donut, then sit there and chew it. That's the exercise I like getting.
- Ora Anderson (Mom): Slide, Toddler, slide!
- Toddler: [he slides and stops short of the base] I can't do this.
- Ora Anderson (Mom): When I was a little girl, I had to slide head first so my skirt wouldn't fly up over my head.
- Toddler: I don't wear a skirt.
- Ora Anderson (Mom): Pretend that you do. Wear the skirt, Toddler.