Life with Louie (TV Series)

Dad Gets Canned (1995)

Louie Anderson: Narrator, Andy Anderson (Dad), Little Louie

Quotes 

• Andy Anderson : Hey Louie! It's a scheduled holiday, kid! It's Paint the Garage Day!

• Andy Anderson : [after a man drives off]  Morning, Louie. Who was that?

  Louie : Some guy wanted to buy the Rambler. I told him it wasn't for sale anymore.

  Andy Anderson : You got that right. Just out of curiosity, how much, uh, did he offer for the beauty?

  Louie : $5,000.

  Andy Anderson : WHAT?

  [hits his head on the car roof] 

  Andy Anderson : $5,000?

  Louie : But, Dad, you love that car.

  Andy Anderson : Well, I love your mother, but for $5,000... ohhhh!

  Louie : Dad, you don't mean that.

  [Andy starts his car and begins to pull out] 

  Andy Anderson : Hey, Louie. If, uh, by chance, while I'm gone today, uh, someone happens to offer a million bucks for the house, do the right thing there. Give me a jingle, will ya?

• [Dad is selling the house] 

  Motorist : Yo, I'll give you $50 for it.

  Andy Anderson : How'd you like to eat this house? Plank by plank, rivet by rivet, nail by nail, step by step!

• Tommy : Let's watch TV.

  Andy Anderson : No TV at dinner time!

  Louie : But we always watch TV at dinner.

  Andy Anderson : It's a waste of electricity. Besides it's summer, you know they'll just show the reruns. You wanna watch TV, sit back and remember the show from the first time you saw it. Just watch me, I'll show you. Ah ha ha ha ha!

  Louie : What's so funny?

  Louie : I'm remembering an F-Troop from October. That was a good one! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

• Louie Anderson : [Reading job ad to Dad]  Wanted: Nursery School Superintendent. Must be calm, pleasant demeanor, and good with children.

  Andy Anderson : Hey, did they write that for me or what?

  [Trips on a tricycle] 

  Andy Anderson : For crying out loud, Tommy, how many times do I have to tell you to put your toys away?

• Motorist : [Andy is selling the Rambler]  Hey, Anderson, you selling that junk heap for parts?

  Andy Anderson : Hold me back, Louie! We're going back to Normandy!

• Louie : Um, Dad.

  [Dad has accidentally painted over the windows] 

  Andy Anderson : Huh? It's better this way. Too much sun makes ya cranky.

  Louie : You should know, Dad.

  Andy Anderson : I heard that!

• Ora Anderson : Guess what? I got a job.

  Andy Anderson : All you've ever done in your life is cook, clean, dust, sweep, scrub, suckle, and nurture. What would you possibly know about work?

  Ora Anderson : I'm going to be a Lucky Lady.

  Andy Anderson : You mean one of those people who sell feminine products door to door? Fine. Fine! Do what you want. Go see what it's like in this dog eat dog, dog eat Dad, Dad bite dog, bigger dog come after Dad world!

• [Louie is selling lemonade] 

  Andy Anderson : Give me a glass, Louie.

  Louie : Five cents.

  Andy Anderson : What? I paid for the lemonade mix!

  Louie : Five cents!

  Andy Anderson : [Pays and drinks]  Mmm, this is real good, if you wanna remove rust from the Titanic!

• [Louie is selling lemonade] 

  Andy Anderson : Alright, if your product's lousy, you need an aggressive sales pitch. Watch me. Hey, lemonade Mrs. Stillman? It's only a nickel.

  Mrs. Stillman : Well, maybe.

  Andy Anderson : What do you mean maybe? It's 150 degrees out here, you're sweating like a dog!

  Mrs. Stillman : [Insulted]  Well, I'll come back later Louie when you're not so *crowded*.

• Louie : [Dad is working in the garage]  Um, Dad.

  Andy Anderson : Snipers! SIX O'CLOCK!

  [Dives behind the car and emerges wearing a bucket on his head and holding a power drill] 

  Andy Anderson : What did I tell you about sneaking up on a military man?

• Louie Anderson : [narrating]  Dad may have his pride, but fortunately, I didn't inherit it. It was time to put my foot down. The Anderson name had been dragged through the mud, and I was just the man to hose it off.

• Andy Anderson : [on the phone with his boss]  That's right, I want that apology in writing. In triplicate. Got it? No wait a minute, make it three copies.

• Andy Anderson : [doorbell rings]  If that's another one of them salesman, I'm gonna...

  Ora Anderson : You're gonna what?

  Andy Anderson : Uh... Invite them in for dessert.

• Andy Anderson : You with me?

  Louie : No.

  Andy Anderson : Good.

• Andy Anderson : Louie, get your feet off that sofa!

  Louie : Hey, Dad, wh... what are you doing home so early?

  Andy Anderson : Hey, you gonna write my autobiography or something?

  Louie : There's a best-seller.

  Andy Anderson : I heard that!