- [first lines]
- Archie Andrews: Welcome to Archie's Funhouse. Featuring the Giant Jukebox. Presenting the spectacular Funhouse Snowball, featuring the swinging skates of Betty and Veronica. The flashing blades of Reggie and Jughead. And the twinkle-toed titan of the ice rink, Big Moose. And-- and a cast of thousands. Now to start things, here's Mr. Weatherbee and his twisting Tyrolean twirl.
- [last lines]
- The Archies: [singing] 'Til Saturday, sweet Saturday night. / Everything is all right!