- Barney Stinson: If you did all the things on this list, I would call that a fun weekend.
- Ted Mosby: Are you kidding? If you did all the things on the list, you'd be dead. That's not a chall...
- Barney Stinson: Challenge accepted! For the next 24 hours, I will do everything on this list. If I do, Ted will come with me and TP the laser tag.
- Ted Mosby: And if you can't?
- Barney Stinson: I will listen to you talk about architecture for three hours.
- Ted Mosby: Agreed. Robin, will you do the honors?
- Robin Scherbatsky: [Holds Ted's and Barney's arms as they shake hands] Gentlemen's agreement!
- Barney Stinson: Okay, chumps, let's do this. Barneeey ah-Stinsonnn!
- Narrator: The Murtaugh List came about around the time I turned 30. It all started with your uncle Marshall's beer bong. He always pulled it out at parties when we were in our twenties, and we were still doing it when we were thirty. Only thing is, when we were twenty, the next day was like this.
- [Cut to Ted and Marshall bumping each other]
- Narrator: But by the time we were thirty, the next day was like this.
- [Cut to Ted in the sofa, moaning]
- Narrator: And that's when I realized there was only one man who could relate: Lieutenant Roger Murtaugh, played by Danny Glover in the '80s noir classic "Lethal Weapon", known for his often imitated catch phrase...
- Murtaugh: I'm too old for this...
- Narrator: Stuff. He said "I'm too old for this stuff."
- Marshall Eriksen: How is that not travelling Kenny? You're killing me! You're absolutely killing me!
- Lily Aldrin: [to Marshall about coaching her kindergarten team] At tomorrow's game, if you're anything less than a teddy-bear stuffed with cotton-candy and rainbows, I will silent-treatment your ass into the ground. You will think the time I found your internet search history was a freakin' picnic.
- Barney Stinson: You cannot believe what happened to me at laser tag today.
- Ted Mosby: Everyone freaked out because a grown man was scaring their children?
- Barney Stinson: No! Well, actually, yeah.
- Ted Mosby: Barney, what happened to your ear? It looks like a jack o'lantern in November third.
- Barney Stinson: This? It's just a little infech. Nothing a young man like me can't shake off.