Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

A Jock Strap in Hell (2008)

Alicia Witt: Dolores Pasternak

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jake Harper : [Charlie hires Jake's former 5th grade teacher away from her new lap-dance job to be Jake's tutor. She is wearing a revealing, low-cut outfit with leather boots. Jake doesn't seem to notice]  I'm sorry, but I'm still confused.

  Dolores Pasternak : Oh, boy. Okay. Ummm, let's look at it this way. How 'bout if you make 40 dollars a dance. If you want to find out how much you can earn per hour, you have to solve for x times 40, x being the number of dances you can do in an hour.

  Jake Harper : What about tips?

  Dolores Pasternak : That's a variable.

  Jake Harper : Oh, I get it! So the money you kick back to the house is...

  Both, together : The constant!

  Dolores Pasternak : Good for you! That's a good start!

  Jake Harper : Yeah, it was. You make learning fun.

  [she laughs gently, he gets up to leave] 

  Dolores Pasternak : Where are you going?

  Jake Harper : Take a shower.

• Dolores Pasternak : Eternal damnation is no laughing matter.

  Alan Harper : I know. I've been married twice.

• Dolores Pasternak : [they're at the kitchen table]  Anyway, I just came down to tell you all it's time to get dressed for church.

  Alan Harper : [Alan, Jake, Charlie and Berta look a little stunned]  Uh, uh, gee, um, thanks for the invite, but, uh, Sunday is kind of our "me" day.

  Dolores Pasternak : [speaking ominously, while pointing upward with her index finger]  Sunday's not a "me" day, it's a "He" day! And "He" will strike down the blasphemers and the disbelievers with fury and blood-soaked vengeance!

  Dolores Pasternak : [as they all look at her in disbelief]  So, chop-chop! Washy-washy!