- Carey Martin: [on sending the twins to Seven Seas High] It was a great opportunity and I could afford it with my employee discount. How could I say no?
- Mr. Moseby: Like this: No!
- [Mr. Moseby runs to the edge of the ship and jumps off into the ocean]
- Carey Martin: He took that better than I thought.
- London Tipton: Moseby, enough of your problems. I'm on vacation. Yay, me!
- Mr. Moseby: Well, actually, "Yay, you" is on the ship to attend Seven Seas High School. While it may be on a cruise ship, London, this is not a vacation. Your daddy put you on this boat so that you can't jet off to Paris for lunch and miss your afternoon classes.
- London Tipton: I had afternoon classes? What's next: classes in the morning?
- Cody Martin: [entering his cabin] Hi, I'm Co... Holy Toledo!
- Woody Fink: Nice to meet you, Co-Holy.
- Cody Martin: Uh, what happened in here?
- Woody Fink: Oh, I was looking for my underwear. Oh, there it is.
- [holds up a single pair of underwear]
- Cody Martin: You only brought one pair?
- Woody Fink: Plus the pair I'm wearing.
- London Tipton: But why do they call him a purser?
- Emma Tutweiller: I don't know, but I do know that it is not his job to hold your purse.
- London Tipton: Fine, then you hold it.
- [gives Ms. Tutweiller her purse, which suddenly pulls her down, as if heavy]
- Emma Tutweiller: Oh! Good grief, what is in this?
- London Tipton: My allowance.
- Bailey Pickett: [noticing Zack's room] What a mess!
- Zack Martin: Oh, no! You're not one of those neat freaks, are you? Because I've dealt with one of those before.
- Bailey Pickett: No, man, I'm just one of the guys.
- [Zack looks inside Bailey's suitcase and finds a bra in it]
- Bailey Pickett: Uh, that's my girlfriend's.
- Zack Martin: Well, I didn't think it was yours. So, uh, what's your girl like?
- Bailey Pickett: She's very intelligent and she's got a great personality.
- Zack Martin: Arf, arf.