- Andy Anderson: [Listening to radio] Aw good it's a fishing show. Ah! It's a Christmas show disguised as a fishing show. Wouldn't you know it there's a Santa on the boat.
- Louie: [sarcastically] Now there's Christmas spirit.
- Andy Anderson: I heard that!
- Louie: [about the Christmas tree] Dad! It's crooked!
- Andy Anderson: Put it by the TV. No one will notice. For 35 bucks that tree should dance!
- Andy Anderson: How much for this Christmas tree without any limbs?
- Salesman: $35.
- Andy Anderson: WHAT? You gonna come over and decorate it for us? I'll give you three bucks for it.
- Louie: Oh my gosh! He's not our legal father!
- Andy Anderson: Go get the saw out of the garage. Go on and get that stand out of the basement.
- Louie: You mean the stand that came over on the Mayflower?
- Andy Anderson: It's a good stand! It's been handed down generation after generation. When I was kid we didn't have any stands, WE HAD TO TAKE TURNS HOLDING THAT TREE!
- Andy Anderson: Louie! Check the Santa. Make sure it's grounded!
- Louie: Make sure you're grounded!
- Andy Anderson: I heard that!
- Andy Anderson: [Hanging onto rain gutter] Hurry up, you kids, I'm losing my grip!
- Grunewald: [Sarcastically] You can say that again.
- Andy Anderson: I heard that!