- Charlotte Pickles: Look, Drew. We're both successful executives, we can solve this. Let's brainstorm. What about Betty and Howard?
- Drew: Nah, they took the twins to the big tractor pull.
- Charlotte Pickles: Hmmm. They spoil those kids. Chas?
- Drew: He went to a therapist's convention.
- Charlotte Pickles: Chas isn't a therapist.
- Drew: I know. He's hoping to find one.
- Charlotte Pickles: Well, don't we know any sitters?
- Drew: Well, yeah, but for some reason, we have trouble getting anyone to come back a second time.
- Charlotte Pickles: All right, all right, all right. Why don't I just take them to work with me?
- Drew: Are you sure?
- Charlotte Pickles: They're good kids. I'm an organized 90's mom. How hard could it be?
- Jonathan: [to Famous Ethel and Abe] Um, this is our fax machine. Our company letter is rather clever, it says, "Just the Fax."
- [laughs, but Abe and Ethel just stare at him]
- Jonathan: You know, like the... uh... TV show, "Just the facts, Ma'am."
- [laughs again]
- Famous Ethel: We think television is evil.
- [in an alternate reality, Chas is single and talking to a sock for company]
- Chas Finster: Sockie? Yeah?... I wish you were real. Me too.
- [in an alternate reality, Tommy is scrounging for food in a garbage bin]
- Chuckie Finster: Why isn't he in his house?
- Chuckie's Angel: Angelica took his house!
- Chuckie Finster: Why isn't he playing with his toys?
- Chuckie's Angel: Angelica took his toys!
- Chuckie Finster: But what about his parents?
- [the Angel is silent]
- Chuckie Finster: Oh, no... you mean...
- Chuckie's Angel: Yep. She took them, too.
- Angelica: [in Chuckie's vision a skinny and emaciated Tommy wearing tattered clothes approaches a morbidly obese Angelica who's taken over his house] I thought I told you to stay out of my sight!
- Tommy Pickles: Angelica could I have just one little crumb of cookie even if it's already been in your mouth please?
- Angelica: Sorry Tommy no can do, if I started giving you crumbs pretty soon I'd have to give them to everyone
- [starts to eat another cookie but drops it]
- Angelica: and come to think of it I'll take that rattle too!
- [snatches it from him and throws it into a pile of toys]
- Chuckie Finster: No Tommy no, don't let her do it, stand up for yourself!
- [reaches for Tommy but his hand passes through him]
- Chuckie Finster: I don't get it Tommy never lets Angelica push him around!
- Chuckie's Angel: The only reason he's so brave is that he has you around to back him up.
- Chuckie Finster: Me?, but I always get a-scared!
- Chuckie's Angel: [they look on as Angelica continues to stuff her face] It doesn't matter having a friend like you gives Tommy the guts to stand up to bullies like Angelica, without you he's just another broken down baby bumming cookie crumbs
- [Tommy eats the cookie Angelica dropped earlier]
- Angelica: Daddy, how come cousin Tommy is staying with us today?
- Drew: Well, honey, your Grandpa's off fishing, and Uncle Stu and Aunt Didi are taking a little vacation.
- Angelica: How come?
- Drew: Well, I guess sometimes grown-ups need to be by themselves for a while.
- Angelica: How come?
- Drew: Because they don't always want children around when they're doing grown-up things.
- Angelica: How come?
- Drew: Because... Well, I have no idea, sweetheart, it's a mystery.
- Charlotte Pickles, Drew: [When Drew and Charlotte leave for work, but return when they realize they don't have a sitter for Tommy and Angelica] I thought you...
- Charlotte Pickles: Honey, you know I'm staging a takeover of Famous Ethel's cookie company.
- Drew: Well, I'm bungee-jumping with the CEO of Cybersystems International. I can't take the kids up on the balloon with me, can I?
- Car Alarm: Stand back! You are too close to the vehicle!
- Angelica: Hey, Mommy, neat! A talking car!
- Car Alarm: An alarm will sound in five seconds!
- Charlotte Pickles: That's nice, sweetie.
- [to Jonathan on the phone]
- Charlotte Pickles: What? Not you, Jonathan. You know I wouldn't call one of my employees "sweetie." At least not since the Clarence Thomas hearings.
- Angelica: Mommy, what do you do?
- Charlotte Pickles: Let me put it this way. A corporation is like a big, hungry monster. My job is to find plenty of smaller, weaker monsters for it to eat.
- Angelica: Neat! Does this monster eat babies, too?
- Charlotte Pickles: No, of course not.
- Charlotte Pickles: [after Angelica and Tommy make a big mess in Charlotte's office] Jonathan, don't we have some sort of employee daycare center?
- Jonathan: Uh, actually, you nixed it.
- Charlotte Pickles: Well, I'm un-nixing it! How's a working mother supposed to get by around here?
- Charlotte Pickles: [after Angelica destroys the model of Cookie Town made for Famous Ethel] Angelica, didn't Mommy tell you this wasn't a toy?
- Angelica: Um, I don't remember!
- Charlotte Pickles: Not only did you wreck a very expensive model and ruin an important business deal, but you disobeyed me and set a bad example for your cousin! Now, if you were the boss and one of your employees behaved like this, what would you do?
- Angelica: [sniffles] Are you gonna fire me, Mommy?
- Charlotte Pickles: No, of course not, Angel.
- [picks Angelica up and sets her down]
- Charlotte Pickles: . You're my baby girl and nothing can change that, but from now on, when you want something and I say no, what are you going to do?
- Angelica: Ask Daddy?
- Charlotte Pickles: No, honey, you're gonna be a good girl and do as you're told, okay?
- [Angelica nods]
- Jonathan: [after Famous Ethel and Abe leave Charlotte's office] So, do you think they're going to accept your bid?
- Charlotte Pickles: No, Jonathan, I don't think they're going to accept my bid. And one more thing, Jonathan. Call security and have them escort you off the premises.
- Jonathan: I don't understand. What do you mean?
- Charlotte Pickles: [yells] You're fired!
- Jonathan: Oh, well, that's pretty clear.
- Chas Finster: [from offscreen] So what do you want to do now Socky?
- [in a high pitched voice]
- Chas Finster: I don't know Chas what do you think we should do?
- Chuckie Finster: Who's my dad talking to?
- Chuckie's Angel: Chuckie, you may not like what you're about to see
- Chas Finster: [walks in holding a sock puppet and speaking for Socky] We could just watch C-SPAN. They're showing the proceedings of the house, ways and means committee today
- Chuckie Finster: [shocked] My dad is talking to a sock!
- Chuckie's Angel: Who else would he talk to? You don't exist, remember?
- Chuckie Finster: I'd better go play with him
- [runs towards him but passes through him]
- Chuckie Finster: Hey my hand goes right through him!
- Chuckie's Angel: Of course
- Chuckie Finster: But how come?
- Chuckie's Angel: I already told you, Chuckie.
- [points at him]
- Chuckie's Angel: You do not exist! People in this world can't see you, they can't hear you, and they definitely can't play with you.
- Chuckie Finster: [disappointed] Oh
- Chas Finster: Hey, I know, Socky! Let's start on that 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle!
- [as Socky]
- Chas Finster: No, Chas, I'm not very good at jigsaw puzzles. I don't have any hands.
- [as himself]
- Chas Finster: Well, C-SPAN it is, then. Socky?
- [as Socky]
- Chas Finster: Yeah?
- [as himself]
- Chas Finster: I wish you were real.
- [sadly as Socky]
- Chas Finster: Me, too.
- Howard DeVille: [crying as Phil and Lil trash their house and break their stuff] What should we do Chaz?, what should we do?
- Chas Finster: You should consider yourself lucky, I wish I had a kid, even a terrifyingly destructive one
- [pulls out Socky and speaks as him]
- Chas Finster: But he doesn't he's all alone!
- [they all break down and cry]
- [Chas opens his front door to an angry Drew squeezing Angelica's wrist very tightly]
- Drew Pickles: I'm afraid we owe you an apology, Chas. I discovered Angelica throwing...
- [holds up Chas' CD]
- Drew Pickles: ... *this* around her room, and since you're the only one I know who listens to Latvian folk dances, I figured it was yours.
- [hands it to Chas]
- Charles "Chas" Finster: [happily holds his CD] I *wondered* what happened to this!
- Drew Pickles: [firmly] Now, what do you *say*, Angelica?
- Angelica Pickles: [sadly] Sorry, Mr. Finster.
- Drew Pickles: [takes Angelica home] And she's not gonna get dessert for a whole week!
- Angelica Pickles: What?