- Hank Hill: What is wrong with you, boy? Why weren't you at church?
- Bobby Hill: I *was* getting ready, but I worked up an appetite looking for dress pants, so I ordered a pizza, and that ate up a chunk of time.
- Hank Hill: Where'd you get the money?
- Peggy Hill: [Bobby glances at Peggy's purse] He stole it! Hank, you check the liquor cabinet. I'll check between his toes for needle marks!
- Dale: Now is the time to mold Bobby's mind while the material is still soft. In Bobby's case, exceptionally soft.
- Lucky: You took the wrong message from what that preacher was screaming at you. You can't go throwing stones at others until you've thrown a bunch of stones at yourself.
- Bobby Hill: I guess you're right.
- Lucky: Besides, saving souls is not your job. That position is taken, in Heaven by the Big Man, and on screen by Morgan Freeman.
- Hank Hill: Stealing money from his own mother's purse? Who does that?
- Peggy Hill: Thirteen is that critical age when boys come to a fork in the road. And when Bobby gets there, he might use that fork to kill us.
- Hank Hill: Isn't there some prison we can take him to? Make him pee in front of some criminals? That'll scare him straight.
- John Redcorn: [Hank buys fireworks from John Redcorn] These sparklers will blow your mind, Hank. When you write in the air, the words will stay there for almost a *second*.
- Hank Hill: For the last time, John Redcorn, I am not a narc. Now I've got a stack of twenties and a tarp for the back of my truck. Let's make this happen.
- John Redcorn: [John Redcorn pulls out a crate of fireworks] Be careful. Some of these are illegal... in *Mexico*.
- Hank Hill: Bobby, could you help me to put up Fourth of July decorations?
- Bobby Hill: To tell you the truth, dad, that sounds boring. It's okay if you're into boring, but I'm not.
- Dale: You could have bunting for days and hot dogs that plump up to the size of footballs, it's all about the sky candy.
- Peggy Hill: Hank Hill, is there anything you can't do in this garage?
- Hank Hill: I know what I've said about papier mâché in the past, but for the sake of our country, and to shut up Milton Street, I am willing to put aside my contempt.
- Bobby Hill: Lucky's church was great! We pulled down the devil's pants and spanked his evil red butt!
- Bill Dauterive: It think it's great how our hatred of other people has brought us together. I love you guys.