User Reviews

I'm feeling a little out of step here, what with all the glowing reviews. This was easily the most horrendously boring, dreary, interminable film I've ever sat through.

Each time a scene ended my heart broke anew, knowing I was about to endure another 15 or 20 or 10,000 minutes of pointless, ambling dialogue that accomplishes nothing. The film bumbles from one disjointed, drawn out slab of a scene to another, characters kiss, act amateurishly, kiss again, argue, storm out, run back, kiss, dance, storm out again, storm back, put on an accent so cringeworthy I wanted to swallow my own neck, and everyone laughs (ON SCREEN - no one in the audience laughs once). This happens several thousand times, and each scene lasts four hours.

After days of this excruciating torture I thought "at least it will be over soon." Then one of the 14 million characters announces that it's Christmas Eve. I groaned audibly, racked with anguish. There's still another two days of this to go. I hoped I'd left enough water for my dog. Seemingly months later another character angrily announces that Boxing Day is cancelled, causing me to bellow THANK GOD, slap my knees in relief and stand to leave. Sadly this still wasn't the mercy killing I prayed for, and only a fraction of the running time had passed.

One thing I cannot stand in any film is a 'playful' food fight. Awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. AWFUL. A grown up should never throw food at another except in pure fury, which should be returned in kind. So of course, when the film finally approaches something resembling a dramatic moment, some lass laughingly chucks a cake at a bloke. And instead of this being the instigating point for a mass brawl, as it would be in any reasonable household, the actors all have a chance to show HOW MUCH FUN IT WAS TO WORK ON THIS PROJECT and start lobbing cakes at one another. At this point the film went from being simply awful to being the datum point from which I will measure all future suffering. I have been through several rectal surgeries in my life, causing no small amount of temporary faecal incontinence. I would smilingly lie down for several more, rather than live through this ageless crime again.

Although Boxing Day is sold as a Christmas rom com, be warned. There is barely any Christmas, certainly no com, and bizarrely, no Boxing Day. I don't think they actually ever get to Boxing Day. Someone else will have to confirm that. I'd punched my own eyes closed by that point. I can only assume the cast and crew realised they were in breach of the Geneva Convention and wrapped things up a day early. This marks the only charitable and decent decision they made.

My daughter pointed out that by the end of the film nothing is different from the beginning. An astute and depressing observation. I'm going to go ahead and presume that rather than this being the filmmakers' existential comment on the futility of change, they simply forgot to include a plot. Thankfully, the children weren't disappointed, and were laughing with me at how hysterically bad this flattened arc of a panto truly is.

It brought us closer as a family in our shared contempt, and for that, at least, I am grateful.

Merry Christmas.

Writing is sloppy and story-lines feel forced. Georgia and Melvin actually display some sprinkle of chemistry only in the final 10 minutes. Awkward, almost like the editors realised post-production "oh wait, we need to actually give these supposed soul mates a real moment." Jamaican accents got really cringe. I'll give them a pass though because Melvin in one scene acknowledges the inauthentic exaggerations (great self-awareness from the crew). And they were somewhat necessary given the history of black-British culture.

Ultimately this movie has an elite cast who shine at every limited chance. Personally I enjoyed all of Aretha/Boopsy's scenes. I haven't looked into it yet, but I would not be surprised if all her lines were impromptu. Each of her interactions felt so genuine, especially the one making fun of Georgia with "buff" jokes after her break-up. Most of the lighthearted scenes in Boxing Day are well executed. You get to experience a few real laugh out loud moments. If they could re-do this movie, they should've just leaned all in on the rom-COMEDY aspect. Especially with the love triangle. Despite the repeated rhetoric from supporting cast on how Georgia/Melvin were perfect together, the movie vibe/ambience never resonated her threat (resulting in a forced kissing scene). Music was phenomenal, though admittedly Georgia probably got one too many solo concerts in there. One of the more wholesome scenes is Lisa getting a package to her room with snacks and an iPod playing Party Hard by Donae'o. A really wholesome "welcome to my city" moment.

Is this a 10/10 movie? Probably not. However, it still is a really fun movie. When I chose to watch it I was looking for something not too serious (the antithesis of Spiderman No Way Home and the Matrix Resurrections) but fun. And boy this movie delivered quality relatable people of colour banter we hardly see onscreen. Movie's best moments lied in the black family dynamic and nuances you never see on TV. Such as how the families will go from an utter jovial mood to intense bickering over the most trivial issues (and vice-versa). As a black man I can vouch this sums up most of my festive season experiences growing up. Struggling to give a rating, as I'm typing I keep flipping between a 6 and an 8 (might as well give a 7 right?).