- Rajesh Koothrappali: I'm a Hindu. My religion says that if we suffer in this life, we are rewarded in the next. Three months in the North Pole with Sheldon, and I'm reincarnated as a well-hung millionaire with wings.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Wait a minute! He offered to send you to the North Pole?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes. In fact, he was quite enthusiastic. He said "frankly, if I could send you tonight, I would."
- Sheldon Cooper: Did Han Solo give up when Luke was lying in the frozen planet of Hoth? No! He slit open a tauntaun and used its internal body heat to keep warm.
- Howard Wolowitz: You heard the man. Hold him down while I cut him open.
- Sheldon Cooper: You're in my spot.
- Howard Wolowitz: [to Rajesh] There's not time for a crossbow. Get me an icicle.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, boy.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: I can't comment without violating our agreement that I don't criticize your work.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Then what was "Oh, boy"?
- Sheldon Cooper: Great restraint on my part.
- Howard Wolowitz: Just imagine, if he accepts the offer, we could have an entire summer without Sheldon.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: We could play outside.
- Howard Wolowitz: We could sit on the left side of the couch.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I could use the bathroom at 8:20.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Our dreams are small, aren't they?
- Leonard Hofstadter: She didn't seem that upset that I was going.
- Sheldon Cooper: No. Did you think she was upset?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, good. I got one right. Are you upset?
- Leonard Hofstadter: A little.
- Sheldon Cooper: Two for two. I'm on fire.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I know she's not my girlfriend or anything, but don't you think she'd feel a little bad that I'd be gone for the whole summer?
- Sheldon Cooper: That feels like a bonus question. I'm going to stop right here and say I've had a great time.
- Mrs. Koothrappali: If your friends all jumped into the Bay of Bengal and tried to swim to Sri Lanka, would you do it?
- Rajesh Koothrappali: If you were behind me nagging, I would.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [At the North Pole] Darn it!
- Howard Wolowitz: What?
- Leonard Hofstadter: We're out of ice.
- [a comment Penny made has given Leonard second thoughts about going on the Arctic expedition]
- Sheldon Cooper: Her missing you is an emotional state you find desirable.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes, obviously.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right. Well, given that missing you is predicated on you leaving, logic dictates you must leave.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes, okay, but I'm gonna be gone for three months. What if she doesn't miss me that long and she meets someone else?
- Sheldon Cooper: She does have a short attention span.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, what are the words I can say right now to end this conversation and let me go back to sleep?
- Sheldon Cooper: Odd. President Seibert posed the exact same question.
- Leonard Hofstadter: How was it resolved?
- Sheldon Cooper: It wasn't. His wife set their dogs on me and rendered the question moot..
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm at the horns of a dilemma. Can you imagine me, Sheldon Cooper, at the North Pole?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Easy peasy. I'm doing it right now.
- Sheldon Cooper: Howard, you will be practicing precision on the classic children's game Operation. You shall start by... removing the funny bone for $200.
- Howard Wolowitz: And to think I went to MIT for this.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, can I talk to you for a minute?
- Sheldon Cooper: [waking up] I want another cookie, Meemaw.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's just me
- Sheldon Cooper: But Meemaw was just making cookies.
- Penny: Oh, Leonard, what time is it?
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's 7 a.m. I'm sorry it's early, but we're leaving soon, and I needed to talk to you.
- Penny: Okay.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What did you mean when you said you're going to miss me?
- Penny: Um, I don't know. You'll be gone and I'll notice.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, well, um, what about this? What does this mean?
- Penny: Wine, credit card and late night television are a bad combination.
- Leonard Hofstadter: All right, fine. What about that really long hug? What did that mean?
- Penny: That wasn't a long hug.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It was at least five Mississippis. A standard hug is two Mississippis tops.
- Penny: Leonard, I don't know what to tell you. It was just a hug.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Glad we cleared that up.
- Penny: Yeah.
- Sheldon Cooper: I guess I'll see you.
- Penny: Okay, have a safe trip.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Thank you. Bye.
- Penny: Okay, bye.
- [Behind her door]
- Penny: Means I wish you weren't going.
- Howard Wolowitz: We're not really gonna go to the North Pole with him, are we?
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm still within earshot. You might want to wait for my bedroom door to close.
- [sound of Sheldon's door closing]
- Howard Wolowitz: We're not really gonna go to the North Pole with him, are we?
- Leonard Hofstadter: [Corrects chart] There. How's that.
- Sheldon Cooper: You actually had it right the first time. Once again, you have fallen for one of my classic pranks. Bazinga!
- Penny: Sheldon says you're going to the North Pole.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah. Pretty cool, huh?
- Penny: Yeah. I'm just a little surprised you didn't tell me.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, well, it all happened kind of fast, and we had to get physicals and buy thermal underwear and study up on, you know, snow and stuff. Sorry, I was gonna tell you.
- Penny: Oh, hey, no, you don't have to apologize. There's no reason you have to tell me. I was just, you know, surprised.
- Penny: Well, I got you a little going away present.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, a blanket.
- Penny: Oh, no, no, no, not just a blanket. See, it has sleeves. Yeah! So, you can, you know, be all snoodled up while you do your science stuff.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, wow, cool.
- Penny: Oh, I'm gonna miss you.
- [Long hug]
- Penny: See you later.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm a theoretical physicist. A career I chose in no small part because it's indoors. But if I'm able to detect slow-moving magnetic monopoles there, I will be the scientist who confirmed string theory. And people will write books about me. Third graders will create macaroni-art dioramas depicting scenes from my life.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Dinner's ready.
- Sheldon Cooper: What are we having?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Reconstituted Thai food.
- Sheldon Cooper: Did you bring the dehydrated low-sodium soy sauce?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Check.
- Sheldon Cooper: Freeze-dried spicy mustard?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Check.
- Sheldon Cooper: Flash-frozen brown rice, not white?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Uh, oh, sorry.
- Sheldon Cooper: Not to worry. I hid it. Bazinga!
- Mrs. Koothrappali: I told you, no. Why don't you believe me?
- Debbie Wolowitz: 'Cause it doesn't make sense to me. How can it be that in the entire country of India, there isn't one Outback Steakhouse?
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, you may be right. It appears that Penny secretly wants you in her life in a very intimate and carnal fashion.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You really think so?
- Sheldon Cooper: Of course not. Even in my sleep-deprived state, I've managed to pull off another one of my classic pranks... Bazinga.
- Sheldon Cooper: [knock, knock, knock] Penny
- Penny: [knock, knock, knock] Sheldon
- [Sheldon is startled]
- Sheldon Cooper: [knock, knock, knock] Penny
- Penny: [knock, knock, knock] Sheldon
- Sheldon Cooper: [knock, knock, knock] Penny
- Penny: [knock, knock, knock] Sheldon
- Sheldon Cooper: [knock, knock, knock] Penny
- Penny: [knock, knock, knock] Sheldon
- Sheldon Cooper: [knock, knock, knock] Penny
- Penny: [knock, knock, knock] Sheldon
- Sheldon Cooper: [knock, knock, knock] Penny!
- Penny: What do you want?