User Reviews

This is my first ever review on IMDb and after watching this movie a few hours ago I was compelled to register on IMDb so I could play the Battleship guessing game with you (similar to the original Battleship, only that it's not).

Q1: How does a radio telescopes work? Do they

A - Detect and collect data on radio sources

B - Shoot some type of visible light laser beam to another solar system in the hope to communicate with aliens?

Answer: B - It's hard for someone to imagine how a signal is sent.

Q2: What would be the best way for an alien ship to travel once on earth?

A - Fly

B - Hop on the water (in one direction) like a cross between a water strider and a frog

Answer: B - Also staying true to their weapons system which only work line of sight.

Q3: Once the alien destruction robots are launched to attack and weaken the human defense, do they

A - Destroy 20 unarmed helicopters

B - Ruin a field where kids are playing baseball

C - Destroy the only remaining docked Battleship equipped with Harpoon and Tomahawk missiles

D - Attack some concrete pillars holding up a section of a freeway

Answer: A,B,D - Who would ever think that the USS Missouri had a better chance of attacking the aliens as opposed to a freeway.

Q4: Your a bad-ass alien who traveled ten's of light years to take over another planet, what do you bring as a personal weapon?

A - A ray guy than can evaporate anything in sight

B - Any other type of projectile weapon

C - A knife that looks like a screwdriver

Answer: C - The only weakness being that it takes this weapon 20 seconds to warm up, giving a double leg amputee enough time to walk up to the armored alien kick-box it in the head and take off it's helmet.

Q5: The humans have fired a tomahawk missile at your alien ship. What do you do?

A - Try to shoot it down with your own weapons

B - Try to maneuver your ship out of the way

C - Have your alien ship hop directly into the missile

Answer: C - Oh yes that's right the alien ship is only equipped with grenades and it can only move in the direction it is facing.

Q6: Your building an alien war ship that will be used to take over a planet. What material do you use to protect the bridge?

A - A type of super strong metal

B - Glass

Answer: B - Taking over a planet is not so easy when a few sniper rifle rounds breaches the hull on the bridge and kills the alien commander.

If you got 0% then watch the trailer and save yourself from having your intelligence insulted.

If you got above 1% then steal a chicken burrito, become captain of the navy in a few years and save the planet from an alien invasion by taking commands from an officer 20 ranks below you.

I saw the trailers for the movie and expected another Transformers, SFX for all your money. When I started watching the movie though I noticed something wasn't just right. Why don't the aliens to more Bad things? We are supposed to hate them, they are here to take over our world, Right?

Nope. And this is where this movie actually Shines, and the reason it gets so many bad reviews is that people miss out on 2 very important facts.

Aliens are the Good Guys

Humans are the Bad Guys.

The movie just makes quite a good job with camouflaging this in regular Blockbuster Cheesiness. The movie is a direct documentation about how hellish and pointless war is.

1.Humans in the movie are very aggressive and dumb. Our Main hero is a guy who should never have been put in command of anything! And here he gets to greet our first ever contact with aliens, using Guns, Cruise Missiles and Torpedoes!

2. Aliens never want to hurt anyone. The Aliens Are Passive, Never firing unless first fired upon. The point is made extra clear with the scene where a DeathBall stops in front of a child, re-planning its route in order to destroy the highway without harming the child. How Much Clearer Can It Get?

3. Aliens have no Military Grade Weapons. This is another point where people seem to watch this movie expecting the regular Blockbuster, and then hate this movie because it isn't! The Aliens didn't expect a war so they didn't Bring Weapons!

The Satchel-Bombs they fire of their ships are actually terrible as weapons, the only reason they work at all is because we humans have such slow ships. This is probably because these bombs aren't designed for any sort of ship to ship battle, but rather for clearing up debris. And what we see on a personal level is an engineering tool the aliens seems to use a lot more for setting up their generators than to actually fight with.

This is NOT your classic race of Evil Aliens equipped with Independence-Day Lasers, or Corrosive "Aliens" Blood! This is a peaceful advanced race, which came here not expecting to fight, but to talk.

Once you realize this the movie starts making sense. what our "hero" does is in fact to constantly seek out conflict. Doing everything he can in order to destroy these Aliens, all because of some miscommunication and stupid decisions.

If this movie teaches anything, It would definitely be that when the time comes for humans to face another, alien race. Make sure the ones we send to greet them aren't Military.

So Basically what the movie is Really about is about a peaceful race of aliens who receive a message from an apparently peaceful race. We then greet them by firing upon them, trying to kill them even if they aren't even firing at us. So when they realize their mistakes we do our best trying to prevent them from sending a "Its a trap, humans are evil" message.

Regular blockbuster movies often manage to build up a mountain of evil actions on the aliens account, making the "Heroes" fight justified and true.

Battleship doesn't do that, It puts the regular Blockbuster Patriotism into a setting where it becomes totally destructive, not only preventing the Aliens and Humans to communicate, but also started a war that have already seen thousands of casualties, and may see millions more before its over.

I rate the movie 7 out of 10. Its a really fresh take on the whole Evil Alien Invasion theme.

The characters: Mostly douches with bad lines.

The story: Aliens invade, their ships are clumsy and weird and jump on water. America (and to a lesser, lesser extent Japan saves the world). There are moments when you wish you could unsee the tacky ways they (the movie makers) try to make heroes and bad-asses of certain people. Most notably the old sailors on the USS Missouri which are posed (yes, really posed!) everywhere, high and low in an awkward way that just makes you wanna squirm and throw up a little bit.

The aliens: At first you think: "This alien race seems really noble." Second thought: "I hope the aliens win, I hate the characters in this movie so much!" Third thought: "Huh, so the aliens aren't noble, they're just stupid. And they seem a bit evil according to the unoriginal flashback John Carter got but... I'm still rooting for the aliens! Go aliens, exterminate this movie-verse!!"

The sum: Why did I watch this movie with awkward characters, unlikable at best. Silly plot with horribly pushed tie-ins to the battleship game. Plain dumb aliens. In-your-face product placement (Cola Zero, LG, Subway and probably some more). Why? I was really, really bored. And now I've lost faith in Hollywood movie making. It's not better then Transformers, It's just as bad.

If your over 10 years old: Don't watch this. If you 10 or younger: Don't watch this.

Hollywood needs to learn that they can't push this crap from the toilet to the big screen anymore!

Battleship is bar none the worst movie I have seen in recent years. It is a noisy, clichéd and unbearable piece of trash that exploits the work of CG artists and paying customers who just want to be entertained.

A simple way to describe Battleship, is that it's basically a $200 million naval recruitment video that was made by a schizophrenic 8 year old who likes video games and things going Ka-Boom.

The main heroes in this movie are indeed American navy sailors, but the one thing the film-makers really failed at is making these people likable and realistic. Taylor Kitsch plays the lead character, he's basically some drop out loser who robs convenience stores to get girlfriends and joins the navy at his brothers behest, and in what seems like no time at all he becomes a lieutenant with big responsibilities on a naval vessel with some few hundred men beneath him.

The special effects are the only thing to keep you invested, however they're all completely CG so it just likes a cut-scene from a video game . Something that should be impressive (like a ship sinking) is made pointless because it's something clearly rendered on a computer.

The soundtrack to the movie is okay composition wise, but it's often loud and draws attention to itself and it sounds exactly like the Inception soundtrack on numerous occasions.

This movie has the shadow of Transformers looming over it, both in its marketing and tone. Battleship however is far, far, far worse than any of those three films and it could probably be used as a symbol for the decline of western civilisation.

Warship fans in the 1950s will remember the excitement of awaiting each year the arrival of the annual reference volume called "Jane's fighting ships". Therein they would find, page by page, details of every warship in every country around the world. This was also en era when battleships ruled the oceans. At the pinnacle of the US fleet was the "Iowa class" battleship, intended initially intended to be six but eventually four built: Iowa, New Jersey, Missouri and Wisconsin. "Battleship" is a fictionalized story of USS Missouri. This paint-by-number alien invasion action flick is lifted a few notches because of this 70-year-old "dinosaur" which has served as a naval museum in Pearl Harbour since 1992.

Seven decades after WW II, Pearl Harbour in this move hosts joint naval exercise with the US and several Asian nations participating, including Japan. There is conflict, but it's a game. However, it soon turns into a deadly combats against aliens, a plot that might have been teleported directly from "Transformers". With more plot holes than the holes inflicted on the armour of the 21st century warships, this movie is nevertheless fun. While you may watch with dismay the idiotically primitive nature of the arsenal from aliens that can traverse the universe to reach earth (why don't they have deadly laser rays that turn our warship instantly to ashes), you have to understand that this is more a video game than a movie, insofar as the action aspects go. The adversaries have to be able to shoot at each other for what seems an eternity, with deafening sound to match. In this, the movie delivers: this is mindless fun, but fun nevertheless.

As mentioned, the climax comes when all the available warships (the rests are blocked behind a power shield) are sunk and our hero brings out USS Missouri, manned by retired navy personnel who actually served on the battleship. The movie is lifted a few notches.

I am not going to talk about the "human stories". "Paint-by-number", as I said, says it all. As to the cast, don't know why Taylor Kitsch was such a lethal presence for the box office in "John Carter". Maybe it wasn't his fault at all. If "Battleship" turns out to share the same fate (which I hope it wouldn't), it certainly isn't his fault either, playing an all too familiar seemingly clueless delinquent underdog eventually turned hero. Having just watched Liam Neeson in an inspired and inspiring performance in "Grey", it's not so bad seeing him in a pay-check-oriented role here in "Battleship", as the hero's intimidating prospective father-in-law cum commanding Admiral. Cool model Brooklyn Decker fulfils her destiny admirably here as eye candy, the Admiral's daughter. Delightful surprise is Alexander Skaragard who was quite impressive in an ensemble cast shared with his father in Cannes pedigree "Melancholia". As the protagonist's stern elder brother, his appearance is short but very watcheable. Another delightful surprise Tadanobu Asano, among the most recognizable Japanese actor in Hollywood (and "Japan's Johnny Depp", a reference I make every time I mention his name), play an adversary turned buddy, again all too familiar. And for those who enjoy the pop scene, there's Rihanna in her first movie role, wielding a formidable piece of artillery most of the time.

I ate 4-cheeses tortellini for lunch and then went to see "Battleship". guess which one was cheesier. This movie is terrible and I'll tell you why, but first let me say one thing. This is not how action movies should be made and it is not fair to make bad movies just to cash some money because "hey, it's an action movie!" I don't believe in low class genres: is not a sin to enjoy an action movie, but it should be a good movie anyway! Battleship has an horrible plot, actually nothing happens but it does it in more than 2 hours. God if it was boring! I don't understand how you could ever make a movie with explosions and fast-paced editing sooo boring. There are elements that make to sudden apparitions and too much plot holes. There are some TERRIBLE comic scenes, like the one where the guy is stealing a burrito for his bigtittied trophy. In that moment it becomes American pie, the family guy, epic movie. There's a LOT of FAKE lens flare. I don't understand why, is it a fad now? In super8 they had a meaning, but in battleship there are even more and they really make no sense. Every single clichè, you can find it in here. well, we live in a postmodern period so that's okay, we are used to see old clichés. The problem is that they use them like it is 1980 and it's the first time. If you care about that, the aliens are really a bunch of pussies. They invade earth and the humans have to struggle a little to fight them. Yeah, just because they use only THREE American ships (actual war ships, not space ships) and a couple of airplanes. It's the lamest alien invasion ever! Don't watch this movie because is really really bad. What could I expect from a movie inspired by the eponymous game? The premise seems a parody from youtube actually.

Battleship is one of those movies which doesn't take us deep into the storyline but gives us just enough to relax and enjoy. It has everything we expected from its name and trailer. It never took off from the basic storyline and the action sequences are worth to spent our money.

The screenplay is good. Direction can be better. I feel Peter burg should have narrated the story in a better attractive way. I also feel rihanna didn't suit her character. Every other character did their job pretty well.

The movie can be best enjoyed if we forget all crazy logics and just concentrate on whats happening on-screen .Finally, its a nice and simple sci-fi movie with a bit of drama and a plenty of unique action sequences. Its definitely worth watching on a big screen.

I have written very few reviews on IMDb, I simply do not have the time, but on this occasion things are different. This movie could have been so good, yet it is truly awful.

I am a total advocate of having fun at movies and suspending belief but in this movie, even attempting to do that is interrupted by shocking characters with shocking lines. If people reacted in real life like many of these do in the movie, you could be forgiven for shooting them on sight.

The main character played by Taylor Kitsch is so annoying, so arrogant, so stupid so utterly imbecilic that for him to be allowed in uniform would be a slur on a nations entire armed forces. He seems to have adopted a role trying to emulate bad boy comes good Chris Pine as Kirk in the 2009 excellent movie Star Trek. But it doesn't work and he displays himself as a complete and utter loser in every respect, and frankly the screen writers should not work again.

Every cliché possible is thrown in, trying to make what is termed 'an extinction event' funny. As aliens battle to use an earth array radar to communicate with their planet and bring on the destruction of the planet, the geek in charge of the array who knows everything about it says 'what! are they trying to phone home like ET'??? Shoot that man!

I am saddened that Liam Neeson's bank balance is so low that he needed to take on his role in this movie. If he was that short of cash, had he just put an ad on IMDb I am sure we would have all chipped in $5 each to keep him out of this disaster.

The boys and girls in the CG room did an awesome job, but it was so unoriginal with all the trappings of Transformers that whilst technically superb it was just all pointless. Just where have they spent $200 000 000 ? It must all be in CG or was it the fee for Rihanna? Whatever, the budget for this movie would have been better spent on saving some third world country from economic disaster.

At the end it becomes clear that whoever the military adviser was, whatever their sins during the main part of the movie, should definitely have been sacked and not paid. Our main character the man who has led a team of misfits to save the entire planet is awarded ...the 'Silver Star', the third highest award the military can give. Where was the medal of honour? the top banana, they must have been limited as only one was given to our main mans dead brother, who did nothing other than stand on the bridge of a ship and get blown up (apart from also putting up with his cretin brother for which he definitely deserved the award).

In summary, totally disappointing. To base a movie on the Hasbro game of Battleships was always going to be a challenge, are we now going to face movies based on snakes and ladders and 'frustration'? Too many agendas were hidden in this movie to ensure a politically correct Hollywood ra ra ra conclusion. There were many points in the movie where I totally wanted the Aliens to succeed and destroy the planet, as it's occupants were proving that there was no intelligent life here. If you are dragged along to this movie then maybe just put your iphone on silent and play angry birds or some other garbage game to keep yourself entertained, or better still play Battleships.

There may be some inadvertent spoilers in this review, so beware! I went to see this movie with my girlfriend expecting an action movie with (based on the previews) really good special effects. After the first 5mins of the movie, it became apparent that Battleship was going to mix in some comedy as well. Both my girlfriend and I were both laughing a lot at the beginning of the movie, and it loosened our original perception of the movie. Now, we were just there to have a good time.

For the most part, I was impressed. A good amount of the negative reviews I have read seem to not even be about this movie. I read one that literally stated, "Why did we have to slaughter these aliens that were just trying to get home?" They were obviously not watching the same movie. These aliens were trying to use our satellites to bring more ships to earth to take over the planet! They were piggy-backing on our technology because their communications ship crashed at the beginning. They weren't some well to do aliens who accidentally crashed and were trying to get home! This was an invasion! Another review said there were too many side stories... There were literally two. The main story arc deals with the main character fighting the aliens, and then his girlfriend is helping an army vet who lost his legs and they get into some trouble. That's pretty much it.

The one big problem I had was the super cheesy part towards the end when all of the old veterans working on the Mighty Mo are posing all over the ship and Hopper gives them the mini speech about asking them to do more for their country. Plus, the idea of running a WWII era battleship with about 10 Navy Sailors and 10 60+ year old vets is a little... unbelievable. I'm not 100% on this, but the standard crew for a Missouri type battleship is over 2000. That was just way too corny for my taste, but it didn't take away too much from the over all movie.

All in all, it was a lot of fun. The movie had great special effects, the interplay between the actors was amusing, and at times, just plain funny. The story was okay, there are a few things that were kind of left hanging, but this isn't supposed to be some artsy, independent film. I disagree with the reviewer who says that "It's an action movie" isn't a good excuse. I say it is. If you want moving dialog, Oscar worthy acting, and a swath of top name actors... This probably isn't the movie for you. If you just want to have a good time, have some laughs, see some great special effects and walk away from a movie with a smile on your face, go see this movie.

After all the negative reviews I had avoided Battleship until this weekend. I have to say it turned out to be much better than I expected. Yes, the script is simple, the entire outcome can be surmised by the time the opening credits are finished. Deep philosophical discussion is not what I was expecting. It's a movie where stuff gets blown up. And it delivers on that.

The movie never takes itself too seriously, the burrito incident makes this point early on. The actors all give a solid effort within the limited range of character development. There are some minor issues with reality, such as how the younger Hopper could ever get a commission in the Navy with his background. But since we are talking about an alien invasion movie, things like that shouldn't be looked at too critically. It was also pretty impressive how they shoehorned in the board game as well. If you didn't know the game existed you can still watch those scenes and not be left scratching your head.

The 'old guys rule' theme brought out at the climax was way over the top, but it was done in a way that actually had me grinning and tapping my foot to the music as they delivered on the whole premise of the film. Stuff gets blown up.

If you want a film that delves into the complexities of the human condition in the post industrial world, skip this movie. If you want to see big things go BOOM! this is a great fun flick to kick back and turn your brain off to.

Turning a board game into a big-budget summer blockbuster was always going to be a stretch. But Hasbro the company behind the cinematic juggernaut Transformers series thought they had locked on to a winning formula for their adaptation of their best-selling board-game Battleship...namely ditch Michael Bay for the supremely talented Peter Berg, add aliens and throw shed-loads of money at the screen. And it almost works...

The plot such as it is sees Taylor Kitsch play the lovable aimless reluctant hero. Drafted into the Navy after a drunken stunt to impress a girl goes awry he soon rises up through the ranks as his natural ability overshadows his confrontational nature. Meanwhile scientists have discovered a new planet light-years away that might just contain intelligent life. Sending a message to this planet they are seemingly unaware of the potential consequences, that ET might answer and drop by. Back in Hawaii the Navy is gearing up for a massive military exercise when our new "friends" decide to pay a visit. What happens next is man v alien in a spectacular battle of technology and wits for the control of the planet...

So lets start with Kitsch. The poor boy never can quite get a script close to that of his breakout TV role in Friday Night Lights. He's a likable guy, who does his best with the material and can handle the action sequences with aplomb. He is however overawed by Alexander Skarsgard, who manages, in a significantly smaller role, to show why he's better equipped for leading man duties than his John Carter starring cohort. Liam Neeson gives another in his trademark gruff father figure performances. You never get the feeling that he's exerting himself, but that's okay. Rihanna casts aside her singer-cum-actress background and manages to give as good as she gets playing with the boys. Brooklyn Decker never equates to more than eye-candy and the rest of the actors are all given screen-time but no background.

As a feat of technical film-making Battleship is a tour-de-force. It's visually stunning with obvious state of the art effects and seamless CGI for the most part. The alien technology is beautifully rendered, although the aliens themselves leave a lot to be desired. Likewise the movie slows to a crawl during the misconstrued slow-mo weapon loading sequences, which serve to remove the audience from the action rather than immerse them in the spectacle. Aurally the film is amazing, way to loud, but the sound design itself is full of merit. The soundtrack works well in places, less so in others. The liberally used rock classics that magnify the action are well timed, as is the wonderful interjection of the Pink Panther theme. Sadly it all comes apart when we get to the script. The story is woeful, with under developed characters serving only to spout unnecessary exposition and act as the most needless array of clichés seen in many a year. Even by the standards of sci-fi films based on board games this is ludicrous. Berg has a good eye for action but even he can't help but channel his inner Michael Bay when it comes to blowing stuff up. Given a couple more months to develop the script, a good edit job and 40 less decibels and we'd have a real contender on our hands here.

As it stands Battleship is a completely mental, completely bombastic, completely stupid summer blockbuster. A missed opportunity perhaps but maybe just what the doctor ordered if you like your movies loud, crass and Americatastic.