- Louie: Et tu, Brute!
- Andy Anderson: Hey, what are you calling me names for?
- [to Ora]
- Andy Anderson: What did he call me?
- Miss Robertson: You'd have a hard time finding an author who wrote about war as vividly as William Shakespeare. You know, "a horse, a horse. My kingdom for a horse."
- Andy Anderson: Horse? Why didn't he just use a tank?
- Miss Robertson: They didn't have tanks in those days. Just bows and arrows and the occasional cannon.
- Andy Anderson: You call that warfare? Let me tell you about the time I single-handedly tracked down eighty regiments of Germans.
- Louie: [quoting Shakespeare] "Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown."
- Andy Anderson: And that means?
- Louie: It means go easy on your kids or they'll take over your kingdom.
- Andy Anderson: That's mutiny!
- Miss Robertson: Here's to you, Mr. Anderson.
- Andy Anderson: No, here's to you, Miss Robertson.
- Principal Halloran: Puh-leeze!
- Andy Anderson: For crying out loud, she oughta be teaching him the Four R's: reading, writing, 'rithmatic, and reconnaissance.
- Ora Anderson (Mom): I believe it's the Three R's, Andy.
- Andy Anderson: What? She took away one of the R's?
- Louie: So much for strength in numbers.
- Andy Anderson: Well, you and I make two, and that's all the numbers I need.
- Louie: Sorry, Dad, I'm busy. I gotta finish my oatmeal. And after that, I gotta brush up on my Shakespeare.
- Andy Anderson: Does Shakespeare keep a roof over your head and food on the table? Does Shakespeare pay your allowance?
- Louie: But Dad, I'm in the middle of King Henry IV.
- Andy Anderson: Well, around here, I'M the king, and King Andy I says he needs help.