Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp (TV Series)

There's No Business Like Snow Business (1970)

Joan Gerber: Mata Hairi, The Duchess, Dragon Woman

Quotes 

• Wang Fu : Dragon Woman?

  Dragon Woman : Yes, Wang Fu?

  Wang Fu : What did Baron say in message?

  Dragon Woman : When Star of Karachi Diamond stolen, we sell it for $3 million.

  Wang Fu : Then divide money. How much for each of us?

  Dragon Woman : I figure out on abacus.

  [Short pause] 

  Dragon Woman : Each member of C.H.U.M.P. will get $500,000.

  Wang Fu : What you do with your share of money?

  Dragon Woman : First thing, I will get rid of this abacus and buy adding machine.

• Narrator : A short time later, at the Headquarters of A.P.E., the Agency to Prevent Evil, Commander Darwin, the Head of A.P.E., awaited the arrival of his two top agents; Lance Link and Mata Hairi.

  Commander Darwin : Sit down, you two.

  [Darwin clears his throat] 

  Mata Hairi : Hi, Commander. What's new on the robbery?

  Commander Darwin : We just intercepted a phone call from Ali Assa Seen to the Duchess out at the Big Mountain Ski Resort.

  Lancelot Link : Oh, what's your theory, Darwin?

  Commander Darwin : They're passing the diamond there. I'm sure.

  Mata Hairi : Oh, those fiends! Ooh!

  Lancelot Link : Don't worry, Commander. We'll stop them.

• Baron von Butcher : Did Ali Assa Seen get here yet?

  The Duchess : Not yet.

  Baron von Butcher : Have you seen any sight of A.P.E. agents around here?

  The Duchess : No, not a one.

  Baron von Butcher : Very good. That'll make everything easy.

  The Duchess : My maid mentioned there's a marvelous expert ski instructor here. I think I'll take some skiing lessons.

  [the Duchess walks away] 

• Baron von Butcher : And so, soon we will have the most valuable jewel in the world.

  The Duchess : Oh, the famous Star of Karachi Diamond.

  Creto : Si, and it costs $3 million, too.

  Baron von Butcher : Nonsense. It costs C.H.U.M.P. nothing. We are going to steal it.

  [Creto and the Duchess chuckle] 

  Baron von Butcher : [as Creto holds a pair of scissors above his head]  Take some off the top. I don't like long hair.