Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp (TV Series)

There's No Business Like Snow Business (1970)

Bernie Kopell: Baron von Butcher, Creto, Wang Fu

Quotes 

• Baron von Butcher : This is the first step in my brilliant plan to steal and dispose of the Star of Karachi Diamond.

  Ali Assa Seen : I await your word, my leader. Yeah, yeah, y-yeah, yeah.

  Baron von Butcher : Tonight, you will steal the Star of Karachi Diamond. Then you will deliver it to the Duchess at Big Mountain Ski Resort.

  Ali Assa Seen : I understand.

  Baron von Butcher : I will get the diamond there and deliver it to the Dragon Woman on her nuclear power junk.

  Ali Assa Seen : Excellent!

  Baron von Butcher : Uh-huh. Danke Schoen.

  Ali Assa Seen : You and certainly welcome. Yeah.

  Baron von Butcher : Now, listen.

  [the Baron coughs] 

  Baron von Butcher : The Dragon Woman will then smuggle it into Hong Kong and sell it to a wealthy diamond merchant I have contacted.

  Ali Assa Seen : An ingenious plan.

  Baron von Butcher : I have covered every detail.

  Ali Assa Seen : How do I steal the diamond?

  Baron von Butcher : That's your problem.

• Wang Fu : Dragon Woman?

  Dragon Woman : Yes, Wang Fu?

  Wang Fu : What did Baron say in message?

  Dragon Woman : When Star of Karachi Diamond stolen, we sell it for $3 million.

  Wang Fu : Then divide money. How much for each of us?

  Dragon Woman : I figure out on abacus.

  [Short pause] 

  Dragon Woman : Each member of C.H.U.M.P. will get $500,000.

  Wang Fu : What you do with your share of money?

  Dragon Woman : First thing, I will get rid of this abacus and buy adding machine.

• Baron von Butcher : Did Ali Assa Seen get here yet?

  The Duchess : Not yet.

  Baron von Butcher : Have you seen any sight of A.P.E. agents around here?

  The Duchess : No, not a one.

  Baron von Butcher : Very good. That'll make everything easy.

  The Duchess : My maid mentioned there's a marvelous expert ski instructor here. I think I'll take some skiing lessons.

  [the Duchess walks away] 

• Baron von Butcher : And so, soon we will have the most valuable jewel in the world.

  The Duchess : Oh, the famous Star of Karachi Diamond.

  Creto : Si, and it costs $3 million, too.

  Baron von Butcher : Nonsense. It costs C.H.U.M.P. nothing. We are going to steal it.

  [Creto and the Duchess chuckle] 

  Baron von Butcher : [as Creto holds a pair of scissors above his head]  Take some off the top. I don't like long hair.