Glee (TV Series)

Theatricality (2010)

Matthew Morrison: Will Schuester

Photos 

Quotes 

• Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : There's something I want to say to Quinn. And I want everybody to hear it.

  Will Schuester : All right.

  Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : At first I didn't really get this theatrical assignment; being larger than life and putting it all out there, 'cause I'm kind of like that all the time. It's how my dad was, too. He was too busy being all crazy and rock and roll to be there for his kid. And you know what? I didn't care that my dad was a badass. I just wanted him to be there. And he never was. And then I learned all this Kiss stuff, and while Jackie Daniels is a great name for, like, a powerboat or something, it's not right for a baby girl. So if my Kiss mates will help me out, I got a better idea.

• Will Schuester : Little monsters, take a bow. All right! Ladies, Kurt, I am really, really impressed. Siéntate. You know... you know what the best part is? Each one of your costumes shows off a different aspect of your personalities.

  Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : Wait. Where's Rachel? I mean, I only noticed because, like, five minutes have gone by without her saying something totally obnoxious.

• Mercedes Jones : Rachel kind of got some intense news yesterday.

  Quinn Fabray : We were spying on Vocal Adrenaline, and...

  Will Schuester : You guys, that's not fair! You gotta stop doing that. But, uh, you know, what... what'd you find out?

  Mercedes Jones : Okay, y'all ready? Miss Corcoran, their coach? She's Rachel's mom.

  Will Schuester : Are you serious?

  Artie Abrams : Way to bury the lead, Mercedes.

  Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : We're screwed. Rachel's gonna jump ship over to Vocal Adrenaline.

  Rachel Berry : [entering]  Never. I really don't want to talk about it, though. I'm still processing the news. And my dads are moving my therapist to our spare room later this afternoon. All I know is that I'm not going anywhere, and I've chosen a Lady Gaga look the longing for a childhood I was deprived of.

  Brittany S. Pierce : You look terrible. I look awesome.

  Mercedes Jones : I think it's the Kermit the Frog look.

  Kurt Hummel : [a stuffed animal falls off Rachel's dress]  And we have a jumper.

  Rachel Berry : Well, my dads can't sew, so these are just stapled on.

  Will Schuester : Guys, why don't we worry about this later and maybe try to focus on the song?

• Artie Abrams : It's so weird.

  Finn Hudson : This so isn't you.

  Tina Cohen-Chang : I feel like an Asian Branch Davidian.

  Will Schuester : Tina, are there any other looks you can try?

  Santana Lopez : Biker chick?

  Finn Hudson : Cowgirl?

  Mercedes Jones : Hood rat.

  Quinn Fabray : Computer programmer.

  Brittany S. Pierce : Cross-country skier.

  Noah 'Puck' Puckerman : Catholic schoolgirl.

  Brittany S. Pierce : Happy Meal, no onions. Or a chicken.

• Rachel Berry : Guys, we have a serious problem. You know how I've been doing some deep background on Vocal Adrenaline?

  Artie Abrams : Isn't that against the rules?

  Rachel Berry : No, not at all. Or probably. Whatever! Anyway, what I figured out; I rooted through the dumpsters behind the Carmel auditorium and I found eighteen empty boxes of Christmas lights.

  Tina Cohen-Chang : Oh, no.

  Rachel Berry : Which led me to Joelle Fabrics. I asked them about red Chantilly lace, and they were sold out.

  Mercedes Jones : Oh, sweet Jesus.

  Kurt Hummel : Oh, my.

  Will Schuester : Wait, wait, wait. What?

  Kurt Hummel : They're doing Gaga.

  Mercedes Jones : That's it. It's over.

  Rachel Berry : Exactly.

  Kurt Hummel : We should have guessed it. They're going for full-out theatricality. They know it's the easiest way to beat us. Damn them.

• Artie Abrams : It makes sense that Vocal Adrenaline would pay homage. It's a brilliant move. She's a perfect fit for them.

  Will Schuester : Hold on a second. We might be able to kill two birds with one stone here. We can help Tina find a new look and find a competitive number for regionals. This week, your assignment: Gaga.

  [the students all gasp and mutter in excitement] 

  Rachel Berry : Pens. We need pens. My ideas just come to me.

  Will Schuester : Uh, my office. Right there.

  Rachel Berry : I'm brainstorming. It's coming.

• [first lines] 

  Tina Cohen-Chang : Am I in trouble?

  Will Schuester : Come on. You've got more self-esteem than that. I think this might have to do with your perfect attendance last semester.

  Principal Figgins : No. Ms. Cohen-Chang is in trouble. It has come to my attention that the look you sport is what is known as goth. American teens are coming down with a serious case of "Twilight" fever, transformed from normal children into vampires obsessed with the occult. And only yesterday, this dark specter reared its head at McKinley High.

• Will Schuester : I don't mean to state the obvious, but you do know that vampires aren't real, right? They don't exist.

  Principal Figgins : William, denial will not make this problem go away!

  Tina Cohen-Chang : My parents won't even let me watch "Twilight". My mom says she thinks Kristen Stewart seems like a bitch.

  Principal Figgins : This is a serious problem! Ms. Cohen-Chang, you've got to find yourself another style of dress!

  Will Schuester : Hold on a second. Tina is shy, and one way she's found to express herself is through her clothes. High school is an incredibly important time when kids get to explore who they are. When I was in high school, I had a whole year where I dressed exactly like Kurt Cobain. I mean, come on. There has to be someone who you used to dress like.

  Principal Figgins : Yes. For several years in my early twenties, I dressed up as Elvis. But he was a Christian, Will! And he did not possess the ability to transform into a bat!

  Tina Cohen-Chang : [quietly]  I think he thinks vampires are real.

  Will Schuester : [just as quietly]  I think you're right.

• Rachel Berry : I'm tired of everyone calling us freaks.

  Mercedes Jones : [snickering]  Well, look at us. We are freaks.

  [the glee club all shares a laugh] 

  Finn Hudson : But we're all freaks together. And we shouldn't have to hide it.

  [they turn around as they hear clapping, revealing Schue] 

  Will Schuester : Nice job, Finn. I think you just figured out what the lesson was. Kinda makes me wish I had planned it. But Mercedes is right. You do all look incredibly insane.

• Shelby Corcoran : I know why you called, and don't worry about it. My reconnection with Rachel is not some kind of plot to mess with you guys before regionals.

  Will Schuester : I'm not worried about regionals. It's Rachel. She's special. She's got all of the best of you; she's strong-willed, dramatic, wildly talented.

  Shelby Corcoran : Go on.

  Will Schuester : But she's not hard like you. She's fragile, over-emotional. And she's clearly convinced herself that you are as committed to this reunion as she is. And I don't think you are. You're not prepared to have a teenage daughter. Are you?

  Shelby Corcoran : I can't have any more kids. There were issues a few years back. Then some surgery, and that's that. I really wanted a daughter. That's why it was so important to me to make that bond with her. But you're right. I wanted my baby back. Rachel's an adult now. She doesn't need me.

  Will Schuester : Shelby, I can't tell you what to do, but if you really love her, you have to tell her what you just told me.

• Will Schuester : Oh, hey, Finn. Come on in. I'm learning all this amazing stuff about Lady Gaga. She's got this thing called the Haus of Gaga, which is, like, this collective of artists and designers who collaborate on... on her styles and stage sets and her music. And I think it's an exciting model for what we could be doing in Glee Club.

  Finn Hudson : Yeah, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. I don't want to do Lady Gaga. And I suspect that, with the exception of Kurt, that none of the other guys are gonna want to do it either. I just feel like we're always doing whatever the girls want us to do.

  Will Schuester : Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You know, maybe I haven't been listening to you guys hard enough. So let's find a solution.

  Finn Hudson : Well, I, uh... I actually already have one.