The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary (2009)
Simon Helberg: Howard Wolowitz
Photos
Quotes
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[Howard and Bernadette are out on their first date]
Howard Wolowitz : [Howard's cell phone rings with 'She Blinded Me With Science'] Damn, it's my mother.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Are you going to answer it?
Howard Wolowitz : Well, I'm torn. She might be dying; you know, wouldn't want to miss that. On the other hand, if I let it go to voicemail, I could play it over and over.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I know how you feel. My mother makes me crazy.
Howard Wolowitz : [laughs it off] Not as crazy as my mother makes me.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Oh, yeah? Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you've had a healthy lunch?
Howard Wolowitz : My mother calls me at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Okay, well does she lay out your clothes for you in the morning, like you're nine years old?
Howard Wolowitz : You live with your mother?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : No. That's the sad part.
Howard Wolowitz : Oh. Okay, check this out. My mother made me wear rubber gloves to kindergarten so I wouldn't pick up a disease from the other children.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : That's nothing. I couldn't ride a bicycle 'cause my mother was afraid I'd hit a bump and lose my virginity.
Howard Wolowitz : Oh, wow. You didn't, did you?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Not on a bicycle. In a Camry.
Howard Wolowitz : Corolla! More wine?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I'd love some.
Howard Wolowitz : Listen, you have to come to shabbos dinner at my house sometime.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Why?
Howard Wolowitz : Well, a Catholic girl like you wearing a big cross like that might just give my mother the big brain aneurysm I've been hoping for.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Okay. But only if you come to Sunday dinner at my house wearing a yarmulke.
Howard Wolowitz : It's a date.
[they laugh and clink wine glasses]
Penny : Am I a matchmaker or what?
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Penny : I just told her you're an aerospace engineer and you speak five languages.
Howard Wolowitz : Six, if you count Klingon.
Leonard Hofstadter : Girls don't count Klingon, Howard. Right?
Penny : Right.
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Penny : OK, I gotta go.
Leonard Hofstadter : Why?
Penny : Because last time I didn't go, I ended up playing Mystic Warlords of Ka.
Howard Wolowitz : Not Ka, *Ka'a*.
Penny : Buh-aye.
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[first lines]
Howard Wolowitz : All right, Raj has played his Phantom Warlord card. And I am going to back him up with my Strangling Vines.
[in Jar Jar Binks accent]
Howard Wolowitz : Choke on that, Sucka!
Leonard Hofstadter : Okay. Well then, I'll just *cut* your Vines with my Ruby Sword. That's right, I did it, I cut 'em.
Penny : Um... I have a question.
Leonard Hofstadter : Warlord beats Troll; Troll beats Elf; Elf beats Water Sprite, and basically everything beats Enchanted Bunny.
Howard Wolowitz : Unless you have the Carrot of Power.
Penny : Okay, I've got another question. When does this get fun?
Howard Wolowitz : Are we going to talk or are we going to play Mystic Warlords of Ka'a?
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Howard Wolowitz : How about computers? Do you like computers?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I use them. I don't like them.
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Howard Wolowitz : Leonard, a pact is a pact. You have to get Penny to fix me up.
Leonard Hofstadter : It's not that simple. What am I supposed to say, "Penny, do you have any friends you'd like to never hear from again?"
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Howard Wolowitz : You and I made a pact that if either of us ever got a hot girlfriend, that person would have his girlfriend hook the other guy up with one of her girlfriends.
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, I don't remember that.
Sheldon Cooper : June 30th, 2004.
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Howard Wolowitz : Do you like science fiction?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : No.
Howard Wolowitz : Role-playing games?
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Like in the bedroom or like Dungeons and Dragons?
Howard Wolowitz : Either.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : No.