The Penguins of Madagascar (TV Series)

An Elephant Never Forgets/Otter Things Have Happened (2009)

James Patrick Stuart: Private

Photos 

Quotes 

• Skipper : Not bad, Private. But had that been a decoy elephant foot loaded with TNT, you and I wouldn't be having this conversation.

  Private : How often does that happen, Skipper?

  Skipper : Well, why don't we ask Manfredi and Johnson? Oh, we can't, because they fell for the old exploding elephant foot.

• Skipper : So, what's the trouble, Long Trunks?

  Burt : You guys gotta help me. I need to get out of the zoo and across town, today!

  Private : Ooh, a breakout.

  Kowalski : Complicated by crosstown transport of the world's largest land mammal.

  Skipper : That's a pretty tall order, my ginormous friend. May I ask why?

  Burt : Let's just say an elephant never forgets.

  Rico : Uhh...

  Skipper : Ooh, dark and sinister sounding with the classic pachyderm cliché. Big man, you play me like a fiddle.

• Skipper : Now, if anyone asks, you're name is Frosty Fun Times truck number 26.

  Kowalski : You were raised a laundry delivery truck, but on your eighteenth birthday, you decided to follow your dream and never looked back.

  Private : Why would anyone ask a truck about...

  Skipper : Don't confuse the man with questions, Private. It's a very complicated alias.

• Skipper : Gentlemen, let's go home.

  Private : But Skipper, how are we going to sneak Burt back into the zoo?

  Skipper : [Looks at abstract painting in apartment]  Hmm...

  [Cut to Burt wearing the painting, walking down the street] 

  Skipper : Now, if anyone asks, you're the Museum of Modern Art.

  Burt : You can call me MoMA.

• Private : I wonder how the rest of Marlene's date went?

  Skipper : I'm sure it was a many splendored thing.

  Kowalski : Of course. It was scientifically approved.

  Marlene : Hi, guys. So, me and Fred? Not happening.

  Kowalski : What?

  Marlene : Turns out what I thought was him being funny was actually just him being...

  Skipper : Dumb as a sack of hammers?

  Marlene : Let's just say I did not hear Spanish guitar when we were together.

  Kowalski : But, but science let us to him. Science said he was perfect. SCIENCE! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?

• Skipper : [the penguins discover some photos pinned on Burt's habitat]  Well, this is, uh, disturbing, to me. Anyone else?

  Private : I'm disturbed as well, Skipper.

  Kowalski : [Focusing on a photo of a kid]  Look at that kid with the kazoo. Could it be? The legendary Kid Kazoo?

  Rico : Kid Kazoo?

  Kowalski : You know, Kid Kazoo? The scourge of the Central Park Zoo? Surely you've heard the tales. He was a Sunday regular, a real piece of work, with a smile like a bear trap, and a laugh like a deranged birthday clown. But the sickest thing was that kazoo, screeching incessantly like a kindergarten orchestra.

  Private : That sounds horrible, Kowalski.

  Kowalski : Kazoos always do, Private. But no one had it worse than poor Burt. With those jumbo-sized ears, that constant buzzing was unbearable. He hated that kazoo! I wonder what ever happened to the little maniac?

  Skipper : [Looks at a picture of an adult man]  Wait a minute. Look at those shifty eyes. That devious half-smile. Those kazoo-kissed lips.

  Kowalski : By Newton's apple, you're right! It's Kid Kazoo all grown up!

  Rico : Wow!

  Private : Burt really knows how to hold a grudge. For years, apparently.

• Private : We just thought an otter alone in the big city might be...

  Marlene : What?

  Skipper : Lonely! The soul-crushing solitude must be eating you alive!

  Marlene : Right. But why the sudden interest in my love life?

  Kowalski : All right, we needed a guinea pig, and you were the closest species. Genetically speaking.