Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 5 - Rise of the Pirate God (2009 Video Game)

Brian Sommer: Wallace Grindstump, Rockrib the Doorman

Quotes 

• Guybrush Threepwood : So, um, if you don't mind me asking, how'd you wind up with that massive hole in your gut?

  Pirate Bill the Treasurehunter : Mind? Why should I mind reliving the horrifying moment of my demise?

  Guybrush Threepwood : Uhmm...

  Pirate Bill the Treasurehunter : That was rhetorical.

  Guybrush Threepwood : Oh...

• Guybrush Threepwood : [as a ghost]  Hi there.

  Wallace Grindstump : Captain Threepwood! As I live and breath!

  Guybrush Threepwood : [Annoyed]  Don't rub it in!

• Guybrush Threepwood : So, ever seen a ghost before?

  Wallace Grindstump : Have I ever? I'm a judge, laddie. My every waking hour is haunted by the harrowing curses of the despicable reprobates I've sent to the gallows. To be frank, your cheery spirit is something of a welcome respite.

  Guybrush Threepwood : Yeah, I'm much more of an "existential crisis" ghost than a "mind-numbing horror" spirit. All that wailing really does a number on your throat.

• Pirate Bill the Treasurehunter : A lot of people lie a lot... the trick is figuring out when they're telling the truth.

  Guybrush Threepwood : And how do you do that?

  Pirate Bill the Treasurehunter : If I knew that, I might not be hanging out in a field full of X's with a hole where me liver, lungs and kidneys used to be.

• Bugeye : [Guybrush' spirit has re-entered the physical world]  Hey you! Pipe down, we're in the middle of a pirate wake here!

  Guybrush Threepwood : A what?

  [sees his corpse standing while holding a dart board] 

  Guybrush Threepwood : Yup, that's me! This is a pretty disappointing wake.

  Wallace Grindstump : Yeah, well, LeChuck's killing spree may have hindered the turnout a bit.

  Guybrush Threepwood : And why am I posed like that?

  Wallace Grindstump : It's zany! The customers love it!

  Bugeye : What? That's exactly the way I remember you.

• Guybrush Threepwood : Yep, that's my body all right! What is it doing here?

  Wallace Grindstump : This is your wake! We were going to erect a statue in your honor after the pox was cured, but that caused LeChuck to return to pillaging and plundering, and people were calling to burn your body in effigy instead. In the end we settled somewhere in the middle, and decided you'd become our new dartboard.

• Guybrush Threepwood : Gimme a drink, Grindstump!

  Wallace Grindstump : I'm afraid your bar privileges expired when you did, Threepwood. In your next life, try to settle your debts before you get killed, hmmm?