- Alex Dunphy: Why is Dad in Luke's room with the door closed?
- Claire Dunphy: They're having a little talk.
- Alex Dunphy: Is Luke being punished?
- Claire Dunphy: Is that your favorite thing? When your brother or sister gets into trouble.
- Alex Dunphy: My favorite thing is when they're *both* in trouble. So what'd he do? Did he cheat on a test? He's a cheater.
- Claire Dunphy: He did not cheat on a test.
- Alex Dunphy: Did he lie?
- Claire Dunphy: Alex.
- Alex Dunphy: He lies all the time.
- Claire Dunphy: Alex.
- Alex Dunphy: Sorry. I'm just worried about Luke... A lot of parents are hitting again.
- Phil Dunphy: You're probably just feeling a little tense from all of this. I know I am. You know what might help the situation?
- [pokes her arm playfully]
- Claire Dunphy: Really?... Right now?
- Phil Dunphy: [Face goes from humorous to serious] I meant going out for a few pizzas. Where's your mind?
- [Starts to leave the room]
- Phil Dunphy: I guess I live in a house full of sex maniacs.
- Claire Dunphy: Okay, I checked the rest of the computers in the house - I didn't find any more porn.
- Phil Dunphy: That was hardly porn - it was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial.
- Phil Dunphy: I just want to say I'm sorry. I never meant to blame you for that whole picture thing. Your mom sort of thought it was yours and I should have stopped it, but I didn't.
- Luke Dunphy: So what was the picture of?
- Phil Dunphy: Well, it was a woman on a tractor, and she had her shirt off.
- Luke Dunphy: Was it hot?
- Phil Dunphy: Okay, we're being honest here. Umm... this particular woman - well, my tastes do run to the curvy, and the cowboy had did not hurt one bit. Couple that with the cut-off jeans - and you were asking about the weather, weren't you?
- Jay Pritchett: Where's Cam?
- Mitchell Pritchett: We got into a fight. Because of him, I have a house full of Latinos
- Jay Pritchett: Welcome to my world. So, trouble in gay paradise, huh?
- Mitchell Pritchett: Well, he just can't say no to anybody who needs help and why do you have to always add the word 'gay' where it doesn't belong?
- Mitchell Pritchett: Hey Cam, does the gardener usually work on Saturdays?
- Cameron Tucker: I don't know, he comes when we need him - he's like Batman, but straight.
- Phil Dunphy: Where are you going?
- Claire Dunphy: I'm going to pick up Luke from his sleepover. We need to talk to him about this now.
- Phil Dunphy: Claire, this is a very delicate situation. If we don't handle it right, Luke might end up having an unhealthy attitude about sex. Or agribusiness.