Preston Foster: Brass McGannon

Quotes 

• Sheriff : I'm here to help the taxpayers.

  Brass McGannon : And I hope you'll be very happy together.

• Brass McGannon : Now that you've seen the great, wide, wonderful world, you're coming back to the big menagerie, huh?

  Tina : Quaint but wrong. Any law against a girl going to see her father?

  Brass McGannon : Legally, I can't think of a loophole.

• Brass McGannon : Here's mud in your eye.

  Tina : That's the circus for you - and if it isn't mud, it's rain; if it isn't rain, it's dust.

• Tina : Does he still drink prune juice and gin?

  Brass McGannon : This may come as a shock to you, but your old man's on the wagon.

  Tina : Alonzo?

  Brass McGannon : It got so he was drinking more gin than prune juice. I'm glad you're coming back, Tina. You're just what the wagon ordered.

• Sam Hackett : McGannon, what in the name of Chibootie are you doin' here?

  Brass McGannon : They don't like your money in Cedarville - your plates are showin'.

• [Brass discusses his problems with the circus' fortune teller] 

  Ma Hooper : You're worried - what is it?

  Brass McGannon : Oh, a little bit of everything, Ma - Tina, money, Alonzo. You know, Sam will can Alonzo if he gets looped again.

  Ma Hooper : Where'd he get that bottle?

  Brass McGannon : I thought you knew everything?

• Brass McGannon : I don't know why I beat my brains out tryin' to push this turkey around the country. Every time I turn around it's nothing but grief.

  Ma Hooper : You're an advance man, sweetie - that's your job: grief. You're a combination press agent, wet nurse and troubleshooter. Like you say, you gotta be tough, you gotta be soft, you gotta be a diplomat.

• Tina : If you've got any sense, you'll leave me alone, too.

  Brass McGannon : Are you brushin' me off?

  Tina : I'm an off-center character, Brass.

  Brass McGannon : And I'm a big boy now. I go to the barbershop by myself and everything.

• Brass McGannon : Nice homecoming for Tina.

  Alonzo : Stay away from her, Brass. She'll take you down with her.

  Brass McGannon : You should talk after the way you kicked her out.

  Alonzo : Oh no, nobody kicks Tina - remember that. I thought I was rid of her when she ran away and got married.

  Brass McGannon : Married?

  Alonzo : Didn't she tell you about that charming husband of hers? Probably an oversight. You know how those things are.

• Brass McGannon : Where is this phantom husband of hers?

  Alonzo : Alcatraz. Where else would Tina's husband be?

  Brass McGannon : What do you mean?

  Alonzo : Brass, my boy, you're naive.

  Brass McGannon : No, just sore. Now start makin' some sense.

  Alonzo : Alcatraz is a federal penitentiary where they send bright young engravers that have an uncontrollable desire to copy presidents' likenesses on paper money.

• Brass McGannon : You're a liar!

  Alonzo : A drunk, yes... but not a liar.

• Tina : I told you I wasn't very nice.

  Brass McGannon : You didn't sell it hard enough.

  Tina : What do you want - a written guarantee?

  Brass McGannon : Engraved - by Joe Webster.

• Tina : Shaefer's just business to me. You don't think I'd look at that blob, do you?

  Brass McGannon : Why not? You're versatile.

• [last lines] 

  Boy : Hey, Mister - where do I go to get a job with this outfit?

  Brass McGannon : Go on, beat it, kid. Go back to your folks.

  Boy : But I've got their permission.

  Brass McGannon : Forget about the circus, kid. It's a rough, tough life - always on the move no matter how you feel, just so you can get that pile of canvas to the next town. Put it up in the morning; rip it down at night. No roots, no foundations - it's a hazard.

  Boy : But mister, I'm crazy about the circus. It's all I ever think of. I can hear the music in my head. I even dream about it.

  Brass McGannon : Why don't you go on back home and...

  [Brass sighs] 

  Brass McGannon : The manager's in the ticket wagon. Tell him Brass sent you.

  Boy : Gee, thanks! Thanks a million!