This Means War (2012)

Chelsea Handler: Trish

Photos 

Quotes 

• Trish : Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl.

• Lauren : Oh, I think I'm going to hell

  Trish : Don't worry. If you're going to hell, I'll just come pick you up.

• Lauren : FDR has these tiny, like, girl hands. Like, little T-Rex hands.

  Trish : Ew, gross!

  [Tuck laughs] 

  Trish : That means he's got a Mike and Ike for a penis.

  [Tuck laughs out loud] 

  FDR Foster : You knot that's not true. You've seen it. You've seen it in Bangladesh, you know that's not true.

• Lauren : I'm going out. I'm dating. I'm having fun.

  Trish : You date but you're not taking it seriously.

• Lauren : Oh, it was the most humiliating moment ever.

  Trish : Well, that's because you have to come up with, like, better excuses. You should have been like, "I have a fiancé, too, but he's actually getting a penile reduction this afternoon because his penis is so big, every time it lands like a poltergeist."