Modern Family (TV Series)
Family Portrait (2010)
Ed O'Neill: Jay Pritchett
Photos
Quotes
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Jay Pritchett : Where's my good underwear?
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : The question is, why isn't all your underwear good, Jay? You make a nice living.
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Jay Pritchett : Then one day Will Chamberlain shows up. He says "Can you take a little off the top for my friend here?" And it's Elvis.
Luke Dunphy : No way!
Jay Pritchett : Greatest singer that ever lived, after Sinatra. I'll fight any man who says different.
Luke Dunphy : My dad says the greatest singer who ever lived is Peabo Bryson.
Jay Pritchett : Then I guess I gotta fight your dad.
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Jay Pritchett : How do you turn the sprinklers off?
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : ¡Ay! Of course! Because I'm Latina I'm supposed to know everything about gardening and sprinklers!
Jay Pritchett : You were here when they installed it!
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Ay, yeah...
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Jay Pritchett : So you don't like small talk. That's how I met Gloria. You remember what I said?
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Yes. "I like chocolate and I like fruit, but not together."
Jay Pritchett : You couldn't come up with that, Ivy League?
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Phil Dunphy : [Phil thinks Claire saw him and Gloria on the Kiss-cam at the Lakers' game] I didn't do anything, she kissed me.
Claire Dunphy : What? Who kissed you?
Phil Dunphy : Gloria.
Jay Pritchett : What?
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : It was the Kiss Cam.
Jay Pritchett : Why did you kiss Cam?
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : No, I kissed Phil. He told me I had to.
Phil Dunphy : No, no.
Claire Dunphy : Okay, hang on a second, was this before or after you ignored the phone call from your wife?
Phil Dunphy : You saw that too?
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Jay Pritchett : Back in '68, when I was sweeping up hair in that barbershop, I had this mental picture of the family that, if I was lucky enough, I would end up with. Perfect wife, perfect kids... Well guess what? I didn't get any of that. I wound up with this sorry bunch. And I'm thankful for that every day. Well, most days.
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Jay Pritchett : The new maid keeps mixing up my underwear with Manny's. Put on the first thing I grabbed - it was like a crotch tourniquet.