- Mitchell Pritchett: I am loosing my mind. As much as I love Lily, which is you know, more than life itself, I am, whoooh, not cut out to be a stay-at-home dad. But it's Cameron's turn. It's Cameron's turn to be out in the world, interacting with other grownups, while I get to stay at home and plot the death of Dora the Explorer... Fill her backpack with bricks and throw her into Candy Cane River.
- Claire Dunphy: How come you're not coaching?
- Phil Dunphy: 'Cause your dad coached football.
- Claire Dunphy: I'm sorry. And I am going to make it up to you tonight.
- Phil Dunphy: And I'll be thinking of your dad while you do.
- Claire Dunphy: Mm. Disturbing.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Hey Phil. How's it going?
- Phil Dunphy: Great. Your dad coached football.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Ah, a fellow victim.