Photos
Quotes
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Jacob Ben Israel : Will Schuester, how do you respond to a recent post on my blog saying your Glee Club song selections sound like they come from a drag queen's iPod.
Will Schuester : Well, I try to do something for everybody. 25 % showtunes, 25 % hip hop, 25 % classic rock...
Jacob Ben Israel : And 100 % gay.
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Santana Lopez : You did this to me. You told Coach Sylvester about my summer surgery!
Quinn Fabray : You have a surgery when you get your appendix out. You got a boob job.
Santana Lopez : Yup, sure did.
Quinn Fabray : [Santana slaps her] You can't hit me.
Santana Lopez : Oh, sure I can, unless you got yourself knocked up again, slut.
[Quinn roughly shoves her into a locker]
Brittany S. Pierce : [quietly] Stop the violence.
Will Schuester : [entering to break up the fight] Hey, hey, hey! What is this? What happened to us being a family? Hey!
Santana Lopez : Oh, please.
Will Schuester : [restraining Quinn] Stop that.
Santana Lopez : She has a family. She's a mother.
Quinn Fabray : Walk away! And tighten up your pony before you get to class!
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Will Schuester : [in Sue's office] Wait... Are you serious? Finn?
Sue Sylvester : My eyes are still burning.
Finn Hudson : [in the gym] I'm Finn Hudson and I'd like to audition for the Cheerios.
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Will Schuester : What's going on?
Sue Sylvester : Brittany here has accused Coach Beiste of inappropriate touching.
Will Schuester : What? Brittany, that's a serious accusation.
Sue Sylvester : It's very serious.
[she winks, urging him to play along]
Will Schuester : [sitting down next to her] Brittany, what you're saying could ruin someone's life. It's really important that you tell the truth here.
Brittany S. Pierce : I made it up. Coach Beiste didn't touch my boobs. Actually, I really want to touch her boobs.
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Rachel Berry : Well, I hate to break it to you, but it doesn't look like anyone gonna be joining us, so I think we should just call it a day.
Will Schuester : We said 3:00 to 5:00. It's only 4:58.
Finn Hudson : Just wait. My buddy Sam's gonna try out. He totally idolizes me.
Kurt Hummel : [as they all start to leave] Oh, face it, Finn. You're no longer the quarterback. You're not the Pied Piper anymore. No one's gonna follow you around thinking everything you do is cool.
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Will Schuester : [pranking the new football coach] Isn't this kind of immature?
Sue Sylvester : No, it's downright childish. But I know gals like Beiste. Oh, her high school life must have been miserable. She's oversized, humorless, refers to herself in the third person as an animal. This kind of abuse and teasing will bring back all those childhood memories. She'll be shaken to her core; humiliated and devastated. She'll have no choice but to quit her job, and our budgets will be restored.
Will Schuester : [fist bumping] Yes!
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Will Schuester : Look, I really owe you an apology. I... I guess I kicked this year off thinking that all of us in the Glee Club weren't outcasts anymore, and I thought we'd be turning kids away. And then when no one signed up for the club, I realized that were still at the bottom; outsiders. And that's how I made you feel. I'm sorry.
Shannon Beiste : [taking the handshake he offers] Thank you.
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Will Schuester : Tell me this isn't true, Rachel.
Tina Cohen-Chang : She could have died.
Rachel Berry : I didn't send her to an *active* crack house. Besides, how did you guys find out anyways?
Mike Chang : The Asian community is very tight.
Will Schuester : I just don't get it. You're better than this.
Tina Cohen-Chang : No, she's an ambitious little freak who will do anything to hold onto her power.
Rachel Berry : I just... I... I love you guys so much. I was wrong before. I don't want any new members. I didn't want anyone coming in and... and messing up our group dynamic. Tina, Mike, I mean, what if Sunshine can dance? Then your contributions to Glee will be even more insignificant than they already are now. I did this for you guys.
Will Schuester : Whatever your motivations, you need to make this right, Rachel.
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Will Schuester : Hey, Sue. Can I talk to you for a second?
Sue Sylvester : Sure, buddy. You look steamed.
Will Schuester : Those kids went out and really tried to show what Glee Club was all about. And how does the school repay them? By defacing the sign-up sheet. "Buttface McBallnuts". "Ass-braham Lin-colon". They're not even funny!
Sue Sylvester : Now, don't be rude, William. I put a lot of thought into those.
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Sue Sylvester : You're worried about getting new recruits? Well, if Beiste gets her way and our budgets are slashed, you'll be cutting kids left and right.
Will Schuester : You're right. I hadn't thought about that.
Sue Sylvester : Beiste needs to be stopped, and I need your help to topple her. You in?
Will Schuester : [crumpling up the Glee Club sign-up sheet] I'm in.
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Will Schuester : These are comments from Jacob Ben Israel's most recent Glee Club blog. "Glee is a giant ball of suck."
Kurt Hummel : We get it, Mr. Schue. Everyone still hates us. So what? So we're plankton on the high school food chain? Only difference now is that none of us really care.
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Will Schuester : Okay, I'm really happy that you guys have all bonded. The problem is that all of this negative stuff is keeping other students from auditioning.
Tina Cohen-Chang : Good. Why do we need new members?
Will Schuester : Well, since Matt transfered, we only have eleven members, and if we want to go to nationals, if we want to beat Vocal Adrenaline, we have to go from a small rebel force to a giant wall of sound.
Rachel Berry : Yeah, Mr. Schuester's right, you guys. You didn't see Vocal Adrenaline at regionals. They were epic. We're gonna need more voices in order to beat them.
Finn Hudson : Yeah. I'm with Rachel on this one.
Brittany S. Pierce : Gross.
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Sue Sylvester : Cut my budget? You can't cut my budget without written consent from the president of the Federal Reserve! It's in my contract!
Principal Figgins : Oh, Sue, I think you can manage a sixth national title without two confetti cannons.
Sue Sylvester : You think your kids can manage life without their daddy?
Will Schuester : We're barely surviving on the budget we have. Slashing the Glee budget by ten percent, cutting our transportation to and from events is like cutting our legs off.
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Shannon Beiste : Studies show that the best way to bring in alumni donations is through a successful athletic department; specifically, a winning football team.
Sue Sylvester : Who's this?
Shannon Beiste : I'm Shannon Beiste. I'm the new football coach. Spelled B-E-I-S-T-E. It's French.
Will Schuester : I'm sorry, what happened to Ken Tanaka?
Principal Figgins : Nervous breakdown. Don't look at it as a punishment. Look at it as an investment into your clubs' futures. The more money the football program brings in, the more I can give back to you guys! Coach Beiste here is fresh off her fifth consecutive all-Missouri high school football championship. We've very lucky to have her!
Shannon Beiste : What can I say? I like a challenge.
Sue Sylvester : First of all, a female football coach, like a male nurse, sin against nature. Number two, I'm sure you're used to hilbilly parents yelping adulation at you as they attempt to impregnate the tailpipes of various off-road vehicles. But you're in my house now, Beiste. No one comes into my house and steals from me.
Shannon Beiste : Do not get up into a panther's business, lady. You're all coffee and no omelet.
Sue Sylvester : That doesn't make any sense.
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Will Schuester : Coach, uh, Beiste, I... I think you understand our frustration. Our budgets just got cut by ten percent.
Shannon Beiste : It should have been more! You think there's not something wrong when the cheerleaders' budget's higher than the people who they're cheering for?
Will Schuester : Well, sure, but the Glee Club is...
Shannon Beiste : The Glee Club? You came in third last year and you're asking for more money? That's a steer with six teats and no oink.
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Sue Sylvester : Hey, why so glum, William? Cat crap in your coffee? Or are you worried no one's signing up for your little club there?
Will Schuester : Nah, not at all, Sue. Nationals are in New York City this year. I think that list is gonna be filled up in no time.
Sue Sylvester : Well, you know what your problem is?
[taking the sign-up sheet off the notice board]
Sue Sylvester : "No tryouts, just sign up." Nobody wants to be part of a club that just anyone can join. See this? It's a court summons; child endangerment, 'cause there's been a line of would-be Cheerios out there since late July. I guess they lost their humanity a little bit. One girl ate a pigeon, several others started worshipping a possum carcass as their Lord. That's how much they want to be Cheerios.
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Will Schuester : Anyone who wants to join Glee Club gets to join.
Sue Sylvester : Oh, god, Will, let me break it down for you. High school is a dry run for the rest of your life. Not everyone can be champions. Not everybody should be champions. We need fry cooks, bus drivers.
Will Schuester : Well, Sue, it's how I work and it's not going to change.
Sue Sylvester : I like being friends with you, Will. This is fun. You make not trying to destroy Glee Club easy. You know why? 'Cause you're doing such a bang-up job of it all by yourself.
