Community (TV Series)

Early 21st Century Romanticism (2011)

John Oliver: Professor Ian Duncan

Photos 

Quotes 

• Professor Ian Duncan : Jeff. Hello! I hear you're fighting with your study group.

  Jeff Winger : Correct.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Now, you won't know this, being American, but tonight, Liverpool are playing Man...

  Jeff Winger : ...Manchester United. I'm a stylish American, professor. I've been forcing myself to be into soccer since 2004.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Ah, then it's destiny. God gave you a British friend and a massive TV for a reason.

  Jeff Winger : Oh, it's Valentine's day, and even though we're fighting, I did promise the study group I'd go to the dance.

  Professor Ian Duncan : [mockingly]  You promised the study group? Whip crack. I'll see you at precisely 6:30, or, as the English call it, gravedigger's biscuits. Okay? Ha!

• Jeff Winger : [doorbell rings, Jeff looks out the peephole] 

  [whispering] 

  Jeff Winger : It's Chang.

  Professor Ian Duncan : [whispering]  Chang? Why?

  Jeff Winger : I don't know.

  Señor Chang : [whispering]  I can hear you guys.

  Jeff Winger : [normal voice]  What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?

  Señor Chang : I can answer both of those questions by returning your driver's license.

  [holds up Jeff's license to the peephole] 

• Jeff Winger : [to Chang]  I'm ignoring you and watching soccer.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Just sit down, Chang. There's space for three fannies on this sofa.

  Señor Chang : In England, fanny means "vagina," right?

  Professor Ian Duncan : In England, everything means "vagina."

  [Chang chortles] 

  Señor Chang : [Chang puts his hand on Jeff's knee]  I'm gonna make it up to you, Winger.

  [Jeff, unaffected, removes Chang's hand] 

  Señor Chang : Even though, like I said, weird place to put a lamp. But, let me order a pizza.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Ooh, I love pizza. In England, we call them "Italian fannies."

• Jeff Winger : All right, everybody out. I'm not kidding. It's been very interesting getting to know you all much, much better. Star-Burns. Leonard. Magnitude.

  Magnitude : Pop, pop.

  Jeff Winger : Swizzle. Scandalous. C Dubbs. Tim. Mighty D. Glisten. Good night, everyone. Faster. Move it. Thank you.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Well... I hope you found tonight therapeutic. Because I would love to pretend that that was my plan.

  Jeff Winger : I actually started to have fun until that maniac tried to move in. What is it about me that makes broken people flock to me? Is it my height? Do huddled masses mistake me for the Statue of Liberty?

  Professor Ian Duncan : I don't know, but being as how you are halfway through your second year at Greendale, you may want to either stop resisting, or admit that you're actually starting to enjoy it.

  Jeff Winger : Well, you assume I enjoy it because you think you'd enjoy it.

  Professor Ian Duncan : It's true,

  [chuckles] 

  Professor Ian Duncan : I am very lonely.

  Jeff Winger : You want a nice little taste of what you're missing in a relationship with six nutcases?

  Professor Ian Duncan : Yeahhhh.

  Jeff Winger : Let's turn on my phone and listen to the 39 messages they left tonight.

  Jeff's phone voicemail : [recorded voice on phone]  Hello. You have no new messages.

  Jeff Winger : Hm. That's... Hm.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Since you got it turned on, why don't you call me a cab and then pay for it?

  Jeff Winger : They must be in some kind of trouble.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Ah. What a relief that would be. Tell you what. If you need me, I'm gonna be waiting for my cab down here. I'll have a special nap.

  Señor Chang : [Jeff drops trash down the chute]  Chang: Oh!

  [Jeff carries a sleeping Chang upstairs to Jeff's apartment] 

  Señor Chang : Thanks, bro, I'll be gone in the morning.

  Jeff Winger : Yeah, whatever.

  Señor Chang : Okay, maybe I'll stay a while. Thirsty.

  Jeff Winger : Don't push it.

  Señor Chang : All right.