Community (TV Series)

Early 21st Century Romanticism (2011)

Danny Pudi: Abed Nadir

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Quotes 

• Troy Barnes : [Jeff walks into the study room]  Jeff, what do you do when you and your best friend wanna ask the same girl to the Valentine's dance, but neither have dibs because both of you fell in love with her at first sight?

  Jeff Winger : Well, I don't believe in dibs, or love at first sight, or love, or best friends, or doing things, but it's good you brought this to me.

  Abed Nadir : You're going to have to open your heart one day, Jeff.

  Jeff Winger : What happens if I don't? I miss the heart opening deadline?

  Pierce Hawthorne : [Pierce walks into the study room]  Valentine's, Crapentine's.

  Jeff Winger : Opening my heart is on my list.

• Troy Barnes : Why does being a librarian make her even hotter?

  Abed Nadir : They're keepers of knowledge. She holds the answers to all of our questions, like "Will you marry me?" and "Why are there still libraries?"

  Troy Barnes : I wanna be a book. She could pick me up, flip through my pages, make sure nobody drew wieners in me.

• Shirley Bennett : We've got to do something about Pierce and those painkillers.

  Jeff Winger : He's recovering from broken legs.

  Troy Barnes : I'll say. He can moonwaaaalk!

  Jeff Winger : I'm sure he's almost through his prescription. Besides he's a baby boomer, they invented drugs.

  Britta Perry : Yeah, they also invented TV, have you seen him control one of those?

  Annie Edison : [pointing at the others]  Intervention? Intervention? Intervention?

  Jeff Winger : Count me out.

  Shirley Bennett : We can't count you out, he listens to you.

  Jeff Winger : Well, he also listens to the Barenaked Ladies, go get their dumb asses to help you.

  Troy Barnes : [everyone gasps in horror]  Okay Jeff, you are clearly in a bad space today, but Pierce is our friend, and the Barenaked Ladies are triple platinum, are you?

  Jeff Winger : Why does everyone leap to defend that band so aggressively and how much stuff do we have to go through this year before my friendship stops being questioned?

  Annie Edison : Well, maybe friendship is about going through a lot of stuff Jeff, and maybe BNL has two Billboard Awards to your zero!

  Jeff Winger : Oh, okay, they're BNL now? We need a shorthand for the Barenaked Ladies. That's how fundamental they are.

  Abed Nadir : Fundamental.

  Jeff Winger : You know what Pierce probably needs more than anything? Some space. Maybe I do too.

  Britta Perry : [yelling angrily]  You know what? Maybe we all need some space, to pull the knife out of the back of the most celebrated Canadian alt-rock band of the mid 90s, you selfish, jaded ass!

• Abed Nadir : Ahem. Mariah, my name is Abed Nadir. My associate, Troy Barnes.

  Troy Barnes : Charmed, I'm sure.

  Mariah : Are you the guys who keep staring at me and intermittently yelling out "books?"

  Troy Barnes : The very same. We're both interested in taking you to the Valentine's dance, but, we are also best friends with each other.

  Abed Nadir : It is of utmost importance we protect that friendship from the stresses of courting you. So, we're trying to be as direct and aboveboard as possible.

  Troy Barnes : Will you go to the dance with one of us, and if so, which one?

  Mariah : We need to get something straight first. This is the cutest thing that's ever happened to me.

  [Abed and Troy high-five while still paying attention to Mariah] 

  Mariah : But, I don't know either one of you.

  Abed Nadir : Give us a moment.

  [Abed and Troy turn, step away, and discuss indistinctly] 

  Abed Nadir : New proposal: Get to know us at the dance and decide there which one of us you'd like to see again.

  Mariah : Okay, deal.

  Abed Nadir : [under his breath]  Nice.

  Mariah : What's in the briefcase?

  Troy Barnes : Oh, tacos. You want one?

  Mariah : No.

  Troy Barnes : Great, we really wanted them.

  Abed Nadir : Yeah, we're gonna eat them.

• Abed Nadir : What happened?

  Troy Barnes : She called you weird.

  Abed Nadir : I am weird.

  Troy Barnes : Not as weird as her. Who the hell is Nicholas Nickleby? She wouldn't shut up about it.

  Abed Nadir : Hm. I know.

  Troy Barnes : There's someone out there for us.

  Abed Nadir : Happy Valentine's Day.

  Troy Barnes : It is now.

  [Abed and Troy embrace] 

  Troy Barnes : [Mariah walks by]  Ignore her.

  Abed Nadir : Okay.