- Phil Dunphy: If you show enough houses, you learn all the tricks. Every realtor is just a ninja with a blazer. The average burglar breaks in and leaves clues everywhere, but not me. I'm completely clueless.
- Haley Dunphy: Hey, check out that cute guy.
- Alex Dunphy: He's out of your league. He's reading a book.
- Haley Dunphy: Yeah, I know.
- Cameron Tucker: Believe it or not, this is my first time. I know, people say I look like a Hawaii person.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Who says that?
- Cameron Tucker: People.
- Mitchell Pritchett: What people?
- Cameron Tucker: You don't know them.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Why are you wasting time on my little boy? See that old lady with the cane? She could be hiding a ceramic knife in there that could pass through the metal detector, and here you are harrasing a little kid!
- TSA-Airport Security: You seem to know a lot about smuggling contraband onto a plane.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Yeah, I'm Columbian.
- Jay Pritchett: Don't get me wrong, I love my family. I love them in birthdays, I love them in barbecues, but do I have to love them in Hawaii?
- Manny Delgado: Guess where the world's biggest wind generator is?
- Jay Pritchett: Is it right behind me?
- Cameron Tucker: Nobody likes a crying baby on a flight. It's very stressful.
- Phil Dunphy: Last year I was in a plane from New York. There was a baby next to me that wouldn't stop crying the whole flight.
- Cameron Tucker: Hey, I was on that flight, and there was no... Oh, I see. You were making fun of me. Very funny.
- Phil Dunphy: We didn't get tickets to Billy Elliot.
- Cameron Tucker: He just wanted to dance. It's my life story.
- Phil Dunphy: Five hours of this.
- Cameron Tucker: [Irish accent] Ah jes' wanna dance at th' ballet!
- Mitchell Pritchett: [sitting on Phil's shoulders] Are you sure I'm not too heavy?
- Phil Dunphy: Please. You weigh less than my paintball gear.