- Mrs. Nethercott: [to Brick] See you in second grade!
- [Whispered, like Brick does]
- Mrs. Nethercott: Second grade.
- Guidance counselor: We just got the results of Axl's aptitude test.
- Mike Heck: You don't got to sugarcoat it. We already had two other conferences today, so we're getting used to the drill.
- Guidance counselor: He tested as academically gifted.
- Frankie Heck: Axl's gifted? Our Axl?
- Mike Heck: You calling my son a cheater?
- Mrs. Nethercott: That's right. No cursive. No field trip to, uh, an Amish farm. You think you can make it in the real world without cursive? You can't.
- Frankie Heck: Sue, what happened?
- Sue Heck: I got hit by a deer.
- Frankie Heck: You hit a deer?
- Sue Heck: No, I got hit by a deer.
- Mike Heck: I don't think we're lazy parents at all. I think we're good parents and that we got stuck with crappy kids.
- Frankie Heck: That's right. It's nature versus nurture. I - I think more and more that it's nature. Of course, that would sort of be our fault, too.
- Mike Heck: Hey, stop that. We're good parents, Frankie. We are.
- Brick Heck: Uh, school started three hours ago. Are either of you gonna take me?
- Mike Heck: She just keeps going. Where does she get that from?
- Frankie Heck: From me? I never give up.
- Mike Heck: You give up all the time. You gave up this morning.
- Frankie Heck: You're right. As I was saying that sentence, I almost gave up and stopped talking.
- Coach Emerson: [dismissively] It was nice to meet you.
- Sue Heck: I had you for math last year.
- Coach Emerson: Huh?
- Sue Heck: I am Sue Heck and I had you for math last year!