- [first lines]
- Victoria Chase: [a police siren is heard approaching] Huh. Wonder what that's about.
- Elka Ostrovsky: [entering] I'm not here.
- Joy Scroggs: Wait. The police are looking for you?
- Elka Ostrovsky: [the siren fades into the distance] What police?
- Melanie Moretti: Hey, guys, guess what? It's our birthday in two weeks!
- Joy Scroggs: You're kidding.
- Elka Ostrovsky: You all have birthdays on the same day?
- Victoria Chase: No no no, but we decided that, seeing as birthdays are so generally unpleasant...
- Melanie Moretti: Depressing, scary...
- Joy Scroggs: Drunk and hazy...
- Victoria Chase: We decided that we'd just celebrate ours all together on a neutral day. And that way, we don't have to acknowledge the day that we actually get older.
- Joy Scroggs: It works great; I really don't know how old I am.
- Elka Ostrovsky: I'm a little nervous. Or maybe it's just staring at that rat's nest that Joy calls a hairdo. It's so unsettling.
- Joy Scroggs: Your nerves are making you unpleasant.
- Elka Ostrovsky: Yes, but I can fix that by finishing this wine. You're still stuck with that hair.
- Joy Scroggs: That's not your joke, Elka; that's Winston Churchill's.
- Elka Ostrovsky: It's not stealing if you were there.
- Elka Ostrovsky: The truth is I'm a great driver, but sometimes I like to drive *real* slow, just to mess with people.
- [last lines]
- Melanie Moretti: So, Elka, when are you going to make it official?
- Elka Ostrovsky: Oh, that's over. We started having problems.
- Melanie Moretti: What happened?
- Elka Ostrovsky: Well, we got along fine but... he wouldn't go downtown. If you know what I mean.
- [the three girls are stunned]
- Elka Ostrovsky: What! I mean there are so many good restaurants and, and shops downtown.
- [the three laugh, relieved]
- Elka Ostrovsky: I can't give that up!
- Victoria Chase: Why should you?
- Elka Ostrovsky: [going to answer the door] What did you think I was talking about?
- Joy Scroggs: So you meant shops.
- Melanie Moretti: Nothing, nothing at all.
- Carl: Hi.
- Elka Ostrovsky: M-Max.
- Elka Ostrovsky: Listen, Elka, I don't want to lose you, so if you're still up for it, I'm willing to try going downtown.
- Elka Ostrovsky: You are?
- Carl: Yes. Just hope I don't get lost down there.
- Elka Ostrovsky: Oh, you won't. I have no trouble telling you where to go.
- Carl: It's just that it's so dark and scary there.
- Melanie Moretti: Happy birthday.
- Joy Scroggs: Happy birthday.
- Victoria Chase: Happy birthday.
- Carl: Another question. Favorite medication?
- Elka Ostrovsky: Oh, that's a tough one. Oh, all things considered, I think I'm going to have to say Celebrex.
- Carl: Celebrex, nice. I'm an Allopurinol man, myself.
- Elka Ostrovsky: Ooo, gout. Somebody likes to party.