The Penguins of Madagascar (TV Series)

Mr. Tux/Concrete Jungle Survival (2010)

Tom McGrath: Skipper

Quotes 

• Private : You mean you're not coming with me?

  Skipper : This is your test, Private. No weapons, no help, you don't even get to know where you are.

  Mort : I know where we are! I found a map on the way.

  Maurice : You did not! That's a kiddie menu you found in the gutter.

  Mort : I live in the hamburger.

• Skipper : Good luck, Private. If all goes well, we'll see you again at dawn, with the aforementioned souvenir in hand.

  Kowlaski : And if not...

  [sobbing] 

  Kowlaski : Well... you'll be fine.

• Skipper : Tonight you go mano-a-mano against the fiercest creature in the concrete jungle.

  Private : A badger?

  Skipper : Yes... wha? No!

• Skipper : Should I know you?

  Amarillo Kid : Only if your name is Mr. Tux.

  Skipper : Kowalski, my alias portfolio.

  Kowlaski : Let's see... two-bit hood Mack the Knife, international playbird Diego Garcia, wealthy industrialist Lincoln Douglas... I'm not seeing a Mr. Tux here.

  Skipper : Perhaps it was the time I woke up in that Kyoto hotel room, on a bed of counterfeit deutschmarks.

• Skipper : Well, Private. What an unexpected dimension this adds to your character.

  Private : Yeah, you see...

  Skipper : I don't like it! I like my men one-dimensional. Works better for me.

  [Rico hides his stamp collection and whistles non-chalantly] 

• Kowlaski : That manual must be in here somewhere.

  Skipper : Here it is! Wait, this is for the microwave.

  Kowlaski : Ooh, we have a popcorn setting?

• King Julien : Ooh, he just made things interesting. Everyone, be interested!

  Skipper : Don't tell me you're betting on this nutball!

  King Julien : Well, technically I'm losing everything to this nutball, but I can't let that distract me from my game.

• Skipper : [Private wakes up taped to a dumpster; he screams]  At ease, Private. The beast can smell your fear. So can I. That is fear, right?

  Private : So I'm supposed to fight the beast taped to this dumpster, am I?

  Kowlaski : No. Rico just thought it would be funny.

• Skipper : Kowalski, promotion analysis.

  Kowlaski : Private risked his own life to rescue innocent captives from a demonic bus. That's plus 17 points.

  Skipper : They were all lemurs. Minus 20.

  Kowlaski : But he did bring back one primo souveneir.

  Skipper : Well, congratulations, young Private. You have been promoted to Private... First Class.

  [All cheer] 

  Skipper : Course we'll still call you Private. First Class is implied. Enjoy your classified joke access.

  [Hands Private file; Private giggles as he opens file and reads it] 

  Skipper : I don't get it.

• Skipper : [reading from a folder and laughing]  That's classic!

  Private : All right then, Skipper?

  Skipper : At ease, Private. I was just laughing at a joke in our mission files.

  Private : Is it a funny one?

  Skipper : Oh, yeah.

  Private : Can I see it, then?

  Skipper : Classified!

  Kowlaski : What's classified?

  [Skipper shows Kowalski the file, he laughs] 

  Kowlaski : Classic.

  Private : Well, why does Kowalski get to see it?

  Skipper : Because he's got security clearance. We can't go around showing our classified information to just anybody. Rico! You gotta see this!

  Rico : [Reads and laughs]  Classic!

• Private : Any more advice, trusty survival guide?

  Skipper : [on recording]  This recording will self-destruct... right now!

  [Rico appears and beats up recorder with bat] 

  Rico : Good luck!

• Skipper : Armadillos are all just whacked out from the scorching desert heat.