The Penguins of Madagascar (TV Series)

Mr. Tux/Concrete Jungle Survival (2010)

James Patrick Stuart: Private

Quotes 

• Private : You mean you're not coming with me?

  Skipper : This is your test, Private. No weapons, no help, you don't even get to know where you are.

  Mort : I know where we are! I found a map on the way.

  Maurice : You did not! That's a kiddie menu you found in the gutter.

  Mort : I live in the hamburger.

• Private : Instant telescope.

  King Julien : [Takes telescope]  Thank you, dumpy penguin. You see, in camping, you can make a fire with just a... piraty looky tube.

  Maurice : Don't you need sunlight for that?

  King Julien : Why would I need sunlight to do this?

  [hits kindling with telescope] 

  King Julien : Make fire, you looky tube!

  [Hands the destroyed telescope back to Private] 

  King Julien : This one's defective.

• Skipper : Tonight you go mano-a-mano against the fiercest creature in the concrete jungle.

  Private : A badger?

  Skipper : Yes... wha? No!

• Skipper : Well, Private. What an unexpected dimension this adds to your character.

  Private : Yeah, you see...

  Skipper : I don't like it! I like my men one-dimensional. Works better for me.

  [Rico hides his stamp collection and whistles non-chalantly] 

• Skipper : [Private wakes up taped to a dumpster; he screams]  At ease, Private. The beast can smell your fear. So can I. That is fear, right?

  Private : So I'm supposed to fight the beast taped to this dumpster, am I?

  Kowlaski : No. Rico just thought it would be funny.

• Skipper : [reading from a folder and laughing]  That's classic!

  Private : All right then, Skipper?

  Skipper : At ease, Private. I was just laughing at a joke in our mission files.

  Private : Is it a funny one?

  Skipper : Oh, yeah.

  Private : Can I see it, then?

  Skipper : Classified!

  Kowlaski : What's classified?

  [Skipper shows Kowalski the file, he laughs] 

  Kowlaski : Classic.

  Private : Well, why does Kowalski get to see it?

  Skipper : Because he's got security clearance. We can't go around showing our classified information to just anybody. Rico! You gotta see this!

  Rico : [Reads and laughs]  Classic!

• Private : Any more advice, trusty survival guide?

  Skipper : [on recording]  This recording will self-destruct... right now!

  [Rico appears and beats up recorder with bat] 

  Rico : Good luck!

• Private : It started as an innocent game of minigolf. I was good. I was too good. Soon any punk who could shoot a straignt ball was aiming to shoot me down. Then came this young armadillo. He was running circles around me. So I did what I had to do.

  [Flashback shows Private bouncing the ball off a little girl's ice-cream cone to sink the hole] 

  Private : I gave up the game, forever.

  Marlene : So, you gave up minigolf.

  Private : Yes.

  Kowlaski : Over an ice-cream cone.

  Private : It was a double scoop!

  Marlene : Couldn't you just buy the girl another ice-cream...

  Private : It wasn't the ice-cream, it was what the game was turning me into.