George Burns: George Burns

Quotes 

• Jane : Gracie, the plumber called while you were out. He said he'd be over just as soon as he could.

  Gracie Allen : Good.

  George Burns : Plumber? What do we want with a plumber?

  Gracie Allen : Well, I want him to go down in the basement and see if that pipe is leaking.

  George Burns : Well, you can tell if it's leaking; just go down and look at the pipe.

  Gracie Allen : Well, it's hard to see -- it's underwater again.

• George Burns : I worked with a straight man once before. His name was Sid Garry. That was some act -- two straight men. We opened at the Colonial Theater in Akron. We walked on the stage, and Sid said, "George, where could we get a bus for Newark?" And I said, "Where could we get a bus for Newark?" And he said, "Yes, where could we get a bus for Newark?" And I said, "Where could we get a bus for Newark?" And the manager pulled us off the stage and put us on it.

• George Burns : You know, it took me years to become a straight man. You see, Gracie says something, and I repeat it. While she's getting a laugh, I look at the audience and pause. And if I must say so myself, nobody can pause like I can.