- Mr. Honest: How many more dates is it gonna take before you let me have my way with you?
- Bernadette Van Gelder: What did you say?
- Mr. Honest: I have my needs, you know. It has nothing to do with my being male. The idea that females have weaker sex drives is a ludicrous myth invented by an oppressive puritanical society that's now dead.
- Bernadette Van Gelder: I cannot believe what you just said! I used to be married, you know!
- Mr. Honest: Used to be! Your husband's been dead for 20 years! It's a very unhealthy thing, suppressing desires and hiding behind a dead man. Celibacy is a shabby memorial to those departed. Bernadette, I'd love to find your G-spot! To put it honestly, Bernadette, I'd like to take you to the land of the goofy smiles, where people breathe faster than they do here on earth.
- Bernadette Van Gelder: You know what? I have just about reached the end of my rope...
- Mr. Honest: We can use rope if you want to. I try to stay open to new experiences.
- Bernadette Van Gelder: Oh hello, Mr. Honest, do come in! My goodness, what are you doing here?
- Mr. Honest: I'm here to see the woman who overworks and underpays you.
- Alice Ghostley: I must admit, I'm absolutely flabbergasted by that introduction.
- Madame: Well, what do you mean? You mean, you're surprised that I was the one doing the complimenting?
- Alice Ghostley: Yes.
- Madame: But why? We've always been close! Haven't we always tried to help each other? We've always had the highest regard for each other's talents.
- Alice Ghostley: No, we haven't.