Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel (2010)

Conchata Ferrell: Berta

Quotes 

• Berta : I've been down and out. I've lost everything. Didn't know where my next meal was coming from. Felt like I was all alone in the world. No friends. Nobody who gave a damn whether I lived or died.

  Alan Harper : What'd you do?

  Berta : The first thing I did was pick myself up, dust myself off, and rat out my ex-boyfriend to the Feds.

  Alan Harper : You're kidding!

  Berta : Got a $2,500 reward from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms. Took that and invested it in a pallet of counterfeit Jordache jeans. Set up a booth at the Rose Bowl swap meet. Made a killing!

  Alan Harper : Really?

  Berta : Took those profits and opened up a little doughnut shop across the street from the police station. Can't miss, right?

  [Alan nods] 

  Berta : Turns out, cops don't like paying for doughnuts. Lost my ass. Had to go to work cleaning toilets for strangers.

  Alan Harper : What's the point of this story?

  Berta : I just wanted you to know I've had a colorful past.