Family Guy (TV Series)

Brothers & Sisters (2011)

Julie Hagerty: Carol Pewterschmidt

Photos 

Quotes 

• [During dinner, Lois is trying to dissuade her sister from marrying once again by having a few of her ex-husbands showing up unannounced] 

  Carol Pewterschmidt : Look, I see what you're trying to do, Lois.

  Lois Griffin : And then there was your second husband, Randall, who you called your soul mate.

  Peter Griffin : Oh God, not that guy. He always comes bearing really inconvenient gifts.

  [Randall enters room] 

  Randall Carrington : Hey you guys. Peter, I brought you some saltwater tropical fish. Now you got to feed them every two hours, and I fed them an hour ago.

  Peter Griffin : Ah, all right. You got the food?

  Randall Carrington : No, I don't have the food. You get that at a tropical fish store.

  Peter Griffin : It's 9:30 at night!

  Randall Carrington : Well, you better get going.

  Peter Griffin : Son of a fuck!

• Carol Pewterschmidt : Adam, I want to spend the rest of my Iife with you.

  Mayor Adam West : Carol, nothing would make me happier.

  Peter Griffin : Hey, when it's your turn to say "I do," you should say, "I do the Dew. " And then we both pull out a Mountain Dew, and then I do, Iike, a radical skateboard jump off the altar.

  Mayor Adam West : Well, obviously, yeah.

• Lois Griffin : Carol, I'm really not sure you should be rushing into another marriage right now.

  Carol Pewterschmidt : Well Lois, I appreciate your input, but I'm capable of making my own decisions.

  Lois Griffin : Are you sure? I mean, look at your track record. Nine divorces! Do you really enjoy being Carol Pewterschmidt-Johnson-Carrington-Stone-O'Craggity-Canseco-Shteinholtz-Washington-Proudfoot-Fong?

• Lois Griffin : Peter, Carol is marrying Mayor West.

  Peter Griffin : You serious?

  Carol Pewterschmidt : That's right, Peter. Say hello to your future brother-in-law.

  Peter Griffin : Brother? I don't know those other two words, but brother? I'm gonna have a brother?

  Lois Griffin : Well, what we're discussing is whether or not marriage is a smart move for Carol at this point in time. I was hoping you might be able to weigh in.

  Peter Griffin : I'm gonna have a brother! Hey, Adam, wanna go get in a fight over the rules of a game we made up?

  Mayor Adam West : Yep!

  Peter Griffin : [running outside together]  Five points. I win.

  Mayor Adam West : That's not fair. You weren't touching the bush.

  Peter Griffin : I was too touching the bu... oh, cool, this rock has mica.

  Mayor Adam West : Oh, let me see!

  Peter Griffin : Don't touch it! It's worth money!

• Carol Pewterschmidt : Thanks for coming to dinner, Lois. I know you have mixed feelings about this. I was worried you'd say no.

  Mayor Adam West : Actually, I was worried you'd say "Beetlejuice" three times. 'Cause if you say "Beetlejuice" three times, then Beetlej...

  [stopping himself] 

  Mayor Adam West : Whoa, that was a close call.

• Carol Pewterschmidt : Oh, it's so great to see you kids. Here, I brought you all gifts from Texas. Meg, this is a bar of soap with a scorpion in it. Stewie, this is a lollipop with a desert spider in it. And Chris, this is a comb made out of an armadillo shell. Now, just don't use it to comb your hair and make promises to women you won't keep.

  Chris Griffin : I probably just won't use it.

  Carol Pewterschmidt : Well, if you all don't mind, I'm gonna freshen up before dinner.

  Meg Griffin : Mom, she's so sad and lonely.

  Lois Griffin : Look who the fuck's talking.

• Lois Griffin : Oh, Carol, I would never miss any of your meet-the-fiance dinners.

  [pointedly to Mayor West] 

  Lois Griffin : This is the tenth one.

  Carol Pewterschmidt : Oh, Lois.

  Lois Griffin : Look, Carol, I'm just saying it's a big decision.

  Peter Griffin : Eh, life is full of big decisions. Like deciding whether or not you're gonna have time to masturbate.

  [cut to the living room, where he sits on the couch] 

  Lois Griffin : Peter, I'm gonna run and pick up Stewie. I'll be back in five or ten minutes.

  Peter Griffin : Well, which is it?

• Lois Griffin : Oh, how you holding up, Carol?

  Carol Pewterschmidt : Not so good.

  Lois Griffin : Look, I know you're depressed about Mayor West, but I promise you made the right decision. Just give yourself some time, and I'm sure you'll feel much better about it.

  Stewie Griffin : [off-screen]  She says that to Meg a lot, so that's not good.

• Lois Griffin : Carol, you're here.

  Carol Pewterschmidt : Hi, Lois.

  Lois Griffin : Ah, it's so wonderful to see you.

  Glenn Quagmire : Hey, you need some help with those bags?

  Carol Pewterschmidt : Ooh, well, yes. Thank you so much.

  Glenn Quagmire : Oh, it's my pleasure, Lois' recently divorced sister.

• Carol Pewterschmidt : Oh, hi, Peter.

  Peter Griffin : Who is this? How do you know my name? Give me back my son!

  Carol Pewterschmidt : Peter, it's Carol, your sister-in-law.

  Peter Griffin : Carol! How the hell are you?

  Carol Pewterschmidt : Not too good. Jason left me. It's gonna be my ninth divorce.

  Peter Griffin : [oblivious]  Oh, you know, just hangin' out.

  Lois Griffin : [taking it]  Peter, give me the phone.

• Mayor Adam West : You're right, Carol. It was a wonderful date. And I wanna have a million more, every night of the week for the rest of my life.

  [getting down on one knee] 

  Mayor Adam West : Carol Yastrzemski - oh, please, let that be your last name - will you marry me?

  Lois Griffin : WHAT?

  Carol Pewterschmidt : Oh, Adam. Yes, yes! Adam, I will!

  Lois Griffin : Carol, what are you doing? Are you crazy? You can't just jump right back into...

  Carol Pewterschmidt : Lois, this is my life. And this is what I want. I will marry you, Mayor Adam West!

  Mayor Adam West : Oh, great! I can't wait to tell the gals at my singles group.

  [cut to said meeting, where they all look at him in disapproval] 

  Mayor Adam West : Ah, come on. This is the goal, isn't it?

• Mayor Adam West : You ever wonder what a seagull tastes like?

  Carol Pewterschmidt : You know, I actually have.

  Mayor Adam West : I used to wonder, but now I know. And it's not good. It's great!

  Carol Pewterschmidt : Wow, Adam. I just have to tell you, I'm... I'm having a terrific time.

  Mayor Adam West : Me, too, Carol. That was a great idea you had about walking parallel to the water. It makes for a longer walk.

• Carol Pewterschmidt : Lois, aren't you gonna introduce me to your handsome friend?

  Mayor Adam West : Handsome?

  [he sputters in excitement] 

  Mayor Adam West : Wow!

  Lois Griffin : Oh, uh, sure. Carol, this is our town's mayor, Adam West. Mayor West, this is my sister Carol.

  Mayor Adam West : Well, hubba hubba, ding ding, who invented this thing?