- Craig Jones: Can I at least have some bacon first?
- Willie Jones: Hell no. You will cut every twig before you eat my pig.
- Willie Jones: I knew you were lazy, but I did not know you were crazy!
- Craig Jones: Before you start trippin', Pops...
- Willie Jones: Trip? I ain't gonna trip. I'm gonna plant. Plant my foot so far up your ass, you'd be coughin' up my egg rolls!
- Craig Jones: There's a corn muffin on Slawson that look just like Lil' Jon.
- Neighbors: What?
- Craig Jones: There's a corn muffin on Slawson that look just like Lil' Jon!
- Neighbors: What?
- Craig Jones: There's a corn muffin on Slawson that look just like Lil' Jon!
- Neighbors: Okay!