The VelociPastor (2018)

Gregory James Cohan: Doug Jones

Photos 

Quotes 

• Doug Jones : I don't believe you. Dinosaurs never existed, and even if they did, I don't transform into one.

• Doug Jones : What is it that you'd like to confess?

  Frankie Mermaid : Ah, geez, I guess we could cover the last... four days? I stole candy from this baby, then I threw the baby in the river - so it couldn't snitch, obviously - then, ah, well, I pimp bitches, do drugs, sell drugs, murder people - really, you name it, I've done it, padre.

• Carol : I don't know much about God.

  Doug Jones : I don't know much about dinosaurs.

• Doug Jones : You're a hooker?

  Carol : And premed/law, but people aren't surprised as much by that one.

• Doug Jones : Father Stewart, what if I told you that I was different?

  Father Stewart : You're not that different, Doug. There are plenty of men like that in the church.

• Doug Jones : I might be on a mission from God himself!

  Father Stewart : That's insane, Doug! God does not want people dead!

  Doug Jones : Oh, I think God wants a lot of people dead.

• Carol : Last night was... amazing.

  Doug Jones : Oh. Oh, I see. Let me be fair and say this can never happen again.

  Carol : So it was just a one-time thing?

  Doug Jones : Yes, honestly it never should have happened at all.

  Carol : That's for sure.

  Doug Jones : Oh. Was it bad?

  Carol : It was... weird.

  Doug Jones : Oh.

  Carol : Honestly, it all happened so quickly. I was very scared, I think I even peed myself.

  Doug Jones : Oh. Was it your first time too?

  Carol : Yeah.

  Doug Jones : As I said, I'm a priest, so we can never say...

  Carol : What, what are you talking about?

  Doug Jones : What are *you* talking about?

  Carol : That time you turned into a dinosaur and ate someone.

  Doug Jones : Wait - what? What?