- Manny Delgado: Hey Luke, do you realize in two years, you and I will be graduating?
- Luke Dunphy: [Staring at a ball in the pool] Not now. I think I'm moving the ball with my mind.
- Manny Delgado: Well, I'll be graduating.
- Haley Dunphy: It's very simple, Alex. In order to give a good speech, all you have to do is take a song and say it. Like 'Don't Stop Believing', or 'Get This Party Started'.
- Alex Dunphy: That means nothing.
- Haley Dunphy: Who cares? Nobody wants to think, it's a graduation! A celebration of being done with thinking!
- Luke Dunphy: I think I've got a good idea.
- Phil Dunphy: We don't have time to build a rocket, buddy.
- Luke Dunphy: Never mind.
- Jay Pritchett: It's not a stroke. Why does everyone always assume I'm having a stroke?
- Claire Dunphy: Age.
- Manny Delgado: Diet.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: You forgot to bring my bread.
- Phil Dunphy: "Guys, I can't go to Vegas because my wife's freaking out." Trust me, that is not a phone call you wanna make to a bunch of ex-college male cheerleaders. They will mock you with a hurtful rhythmic taunt.
- Alex Dunphy: People want to be challenged. They're gonna respect me for it.
- Haley Dunphy: No one's ever gonna talk to you again.
- Alex Dunphy: So what? Mahatma Gandhi went in a hunger strike for what he believed in.
- Haley Dunphy: That's 'cause no one would eat with him in the cafeteria!
- [Alex stares at her incredulously]
- Haley Dunphy: You know what? Fine. Give your stupid speech. Be an outcast. But you're only doing it to yourself, because you're smart and pretty, and sort of funny in a way that I don't really get but other people seem to enjoy. So you can either start fresh next year, or be the freak that flipped off her class.
- Alex Dunphy: You really think I'm pretty?
- Haley Dunphy: Shut up!
- Haley Dunphy: If you do this, you'll be a social piranha.
- Alex Dunphy: Yes, I'll be an Amazonian carnivorous fish.
- Haley Dunphy: What?
- Phil Dunphy: [Mimes playing a one-armed bandit] Chu-chunk! Hysterical wife, hysterical wife, hysterical wife. Jackpot.
- Haley Dunphy: You think you have everyone figured out, but everybody has their stuff.
- Alex Dunphy: What stuff do you have? Too many boys chasing after you? Too many parties?
- Haley Dunphy: You really wanna know what stuff I have? I'm flunking out of Biology, and now I have to go to summer school. My friends - all they can ever talk about nowadays is going off to college, and I don't even know if I can get in to college. Is that enough stuff for you?
- Jay Pritchett: The reason my face looks like this is because I had...
- [whispers]
- Jay Pritchett: Botox.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: ... like the ladies use for their wrinkles?
- Jay Pritchett: Actually, nearly 10% of their sales are men, but that's not important. I had a bad reaction - hit a nerve or something. It's gonna go away soon.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Hmm.
- Jay Pritchett: What? What's that supposed to mean?
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Nothing.
- Jay Pritchett: Would you stop? This is very embarrassing for me!
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: For both of us.
- Cameron Tucker: I can't believe Alex is gonna be in high school. I feel so old.
- Mitchell Pritchett: You feel old? I was there when she was born - in the delivery room. If I wasn't gay before...
- Cameron Tucker: Oh, please. You wouldn't have lasted two minutes on a farm. I've witnessed all kinds of birthing, never batted an eye. I've seen cattle, I've seen hogs,I've seen goats. I've even seen a three-legged...
- [Cameron trips and falls in the wading pool; Mitchell laughs]
- Cameron Tucker: Really, Mitchell? I could have died!
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: [about the tandem bike] Jay bought it. He thought we were gonna use it all the time, but I keep hitting my boobs with my knees.
- Jay Pritchett: Champagne problems, right?
- Jay Pritchett: You heard her; I'm okay.
- Manny Delgado: She's not a doctor.
- Jay Pritchett: Neither are you.
- Manny Delgado: Technically.