The Hangover Part III (2013)

Ed Helms: Stu

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Alan : Nothing worse than losing your phone.

  Stu : You just saw a man get murdered. Your brother-in-law is kidnapped. You sure there's nothing worse?

• Stu : We're not gonna kill the dogs, Chow. This will knock them out for hours.

  Mr. Chow : Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you worked for PETA. What a pussy.

• Stu : [upon arriving to Las Vegas]  Someone needs to burn this place to the ground.

• Phil : Damn it! I left my phone in the Minivan.

  Alan : Oh Phil, I have that find my phone app.

  Phil : Alan, we have bigger problems than that at the moment.

  Stu : No wait. If Chow has the minivan and your phone is in the minivan that means your phone is with Chow.

  Alan : Stu, you heard Phil. We have bigger problems than that.

• Alan : You know what, guys. You can go ahead without me. There's something I need to do.

  Stu : Do you even know how to get home?

  Alan : Of course I do. I'm a grown man. I'll ask a stranger.

  Phil : Good luck, Alan. We'll see you soon.

• [the Wolf Pack wake up in a honeymoon suite] 

  Stu : [sees he has implants]  I have boobies now!

  Cassie : [laughs]  Oh my God...

  Phil : [laughs]  Holy shit!

  Stu : It's not funny! Alan, what did you do? What did you do, Alan?

  Alan : The wedding cake... it was from Leslie...

  [Chow enters, naked and brandishing a sword] 

  Mr. Chow : [laughs]  We had a sick night, bitches!

  [the monkey jumps back on Stu] 

• Marshall : Doug is my insurance. He stays with me. You don't get me Chow, I blow his brains out. You go to the cops, I blow his brains out.

  Phil : But, that's insane! We don't even know where the fuck he is!

  Marshall : Nobody does, but I figure the Wolf Pack has the best chance of finding him. You have three days. Get to work.

  Alan : Can you take Stu instead?

  Stu : Fuck you, Alan!

• [Marshall brings Stu, Phil, and Alan to his villa] 

  Marshall : Leslie Chow never lived here. You didn't break into his old house, you broke into MY house.

  Phil : I don't understand.

  Marshall : You didn't get back the gold he stole from me. You got the other half that he didn't.

  Stu : Oh, my GOD!

  Phil : You mean the half he never had?

  Marshall : He's a world-class rat, and you 3 were his accomplices.

  Stu : We had no idea!

  Phil : We were trying to help you! We thought you'd be happy!

  Marshall : [sarcastically]  Thank you so much! Thank you for ripping me off! Thank you for desecrating my home! And THANK YOU FOR KILLING MY FUCKING DOGS!

  Stu : We didn't kill your dogs! They're just tranquilized.

  Marshall : Oh, right. You don't know. Chow snapped their necks on his way out.

  Stu : What?

  Black Doug : And somebody's gotta pay.

  Marshall : He's right.

  [points his gun at the Dougs] 

  Doug : No no no no, NO!

  [Marshall shoots Black Doug and his body splashes into the pool] 

  Marshall : My head of security, couldn't stop 3 fuck-ups and a Chinaman with a pair of wire cutters. Unreal.

• Stu : This is so much harder than you realise, Phil. I'm just a dentist!

  Phil : No, Stu, you're a fucking doctor. Now go get him!

• [to Phil, about Alan] 

  Stu : That place in Arizona's not going to help him. There is no facility that can fix this guy. We're going to spend the rest of our lives dealing with him, because we're all he has now. You realize that? We're it!

• Phil : No that's perfect, that's like a three hour drive from here.

  Alan : Yeah Stu, try reading a map.

  Stu : Yeah Alan, try reading... anything... ever.

  Alan : Yeah Stu, try having not such big horse teeth.

• [from trailer] 

  [back in Vegas] 

  Stu : I told myself, I would never come back.

  Phil : Don't worry, it all ends tonight...

• [the Wolf Pack is in a fight with cockerels] 

  Mr. Chow : Hold still, I'm trying to help!

  [fires a gun wildly] 

  Stu : Are you out of your mind?

• Stu : You just saw a man get murdered, your brother in law is kidnapped. Are you sure there is nothing worse?

  Alan : You don't get it Stu. You just don't get it do you? I have over 60 apps on that phone! What if I lost my phone? Do you know how much time and man hours it would take to redownload those apps?

  Stu : [Sarcastically]  You are right. I didn't think about that, thank you.

• Phil : [to Alan while driving the Wolf Pack to Arizona]  You know I meant to tell you earlier. That's a very cool vest you got on.

  Alan : Thanks Phil it was my Dad's. He died in it.

  Stu : Whoa! That's intense!