- Dan Humphrey: Hey, everyone, thank you so much for coming.
- Serena Van Der Woodsen: I only have five minutes.
- Blair Waldorf: This better be really important.
- Nate Archibald: What is this about?
- Lily: Is everything alright?
- Charlie Rhodes: This isn't about me, right?
- Rufus Settle: Yeah, what's going on, Dan?
- Chuck Bass: This is going to be fun.
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] It seems like Dan Humphrey is on the fast track from Lonely Boy to Only Boy.
- Blair Waldorf: [to Dan] You had better hope that I can stop your fantasy life from destroying my real one.
- Sam: [identifying the Serena as the character in the book] No way! You're Sabrina? The dreamy blonde with the legs?
- Blair Waldorf: [pregnant] An heir to a kingdom lives within me. How very Shakespeare.
- Louis Grimaldi: A comedy, not a tragedy, I hope.
- Blair Waldorf: [to Louis] Now, if you'll excuse me, this baby of yours is making me so tired, I need to lie down.
- Blair Waldorf: [reads Inside, finds out how she is portrayed] Oh, my God, I'm gonna kill Dan Humphrey!
- Serena Van Der Woodsen: [read how the character based on her is described in Dan's book] Flighty? Irresponsible? I'm gonna kill him!
- Serena Van Der Woodsen: Can you believe what he wrote about me?
- Chuck Bass: Let me tell you from experience. Everyone loves a villain.
- Serena Van Der Woodsen: Yeah, I've been telling Blair the same thing. But then I realized, why are you always alone?
- Charlie Rhodes: Please don't tell them.
- Diana Payne: [grins slyly] I won't. I'm gonna protect you. If you'll let me.
- Charlie Rhodes: What do you want?