- June Colburn: Okay, look, yes, Chloe is screwed up, but, you know, she didn't start off that way. She was a child once, a normal human being before she got seduced by the dark side or whatever. She got this ottoman at a time in her life when she could still care about something. Don't take away the one connection that she has left to her humanity. If you do, then...
- [sighs]
- June Colburn: ... the crazy bitch might burn this place to the ground.
- Chloe: I like to watch the flames from across the street. It reminds me of Christmas.
- Robin: Are you here for the roommate posting?
- June Colburn: Oh, yes. In fact, I, I...
- Robin: Don't trust the bitch in apartment 23.
- June Colburn: That's right. My roommate slept with my fiancee on by birthday cake. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
- Steven: This your roommate?
- June Colburn: Oh, oh! Yes. That was so rude of me. How could I forget? Everyone, this is Chole. She's the bitch in apartment 23.
- Chloe: [holds up pills] Anyone wanna get weird and play Mario Kart?
- June Colburn: Living in New York has taught me that life's full of surprises. They can be scary, but if you're open to them, they can also change your life.
- June Colburn: I mean, you saved me from wasting the best years of my life.
- Chloe: Yeah, well, you know, it came at a price. I got a lot of frosting in my crack.
- [June looks at her askew]
- Chloe: Sorry, I don't know why I brought that up. I think that genuine emotion just sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable.
- [calling out across the bar]
- Chloe: Bartender, a kamikaze shot!
- [it's handed over]
- Chloe: Thank you.
- [toasting her new friend]
- Chloe: Happy birthday!
- June Colburn: [returning the toast] Yeah!
- Chloe: [standing up to leave] Come on, let's go home.
- June Colburn: [slurring, as they leave] Did we pay for those drinks?
- Chloe: [quickening her step, dragging June along] No. Hard times. Keep walking.
- Chloe: [enters bathroom while June is bathing] Hey, how'd the job hunting go?
- June Colburn: [dismayed, embarrassed] Uhm, I'd kind of like to be alone.
- Chloe: Oh. Sorry. Were you masturbating?
- June Colburn: What? No!
- Chloe: Don't worry, I get it. I have a long-standing sexual history with that tub. It's like I'm Jessica Tandy and that tub's Huhm Cronyn. Don't mind me, get your Cronyn on.
- June Colburn: I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean to be rude, but I really...
- Chloe: [flashing an expensive designer purse] Do you like it? It's Alexander McQueen. I bought it with the extra rent money you gave me.
- June Colburn: [confused] The extra rent money?
- Chloe: Oh, well, duh, the real rent is way lower than what I told you, so I saved your money, and I bought this purse.
- June Colburn: So, y-you're... you''re saying that you stole from me?
- Chloe: Oh, that's such an ugly word. But, yes, that's exactly what I'm saying.
- [taunting]
- Chloe: Sue me.
- James Van Der Beek: [to June] I know you're upset, but Chloe's actually trying to do the right thing. Look, she may have the morals of a pirate, but she would do anything for her friends. Like this one year, on my birthday, I was in Vietnam, shooting an energy drink commercial. She flew all my family and friends out, threw me this huge surprise party. It was amazing. Of course, she left me with the bill, took all my credit cards.
- [shakes his head at painful memories]
- James Van Der Beek: Don't be a blonde dude in a Vietnamese jail, June.
- [teary-eyed]
- James Van Der Beek: That's the real life lesson here.