American Dad! (TV Series)
Dr. Klaustus (2012)
Seth MacFarlane: Stan Smith, Roger the Alien
Photos
Quotes
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Francine Smith : [about Steve] That four-eyed bastard. That malnourished pasty geek. I knew I should have aborted him.
Stan Smith : Goodness.
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Francine Smith : [to Roger] What a cute beret.
Roger : Cute? Puppies are cute! Reese Witherspoon before children was cute.
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Roger : Listen up, maggots! You people have major issues. You can't run from them all your lives. You need to face your problems!
Stan Smith : But...
Roger : [to Stan] You, sack up and eat your wife's grub!
[to Francine]
Roger : And you missy, you take your emergency fund and sign up for a cooking class!
[to Steve]
Roger : And you, bring your girlfriend to dinner! Be grateful you have two parents who love you! And that you don't come from a broken home like Reese Witherspoon's kids. Damn, I love that girl! Plucky!
[to Hayley]
Roger : And you, gussy up for your husband! Maybe some sort of bra? And wash your hair. Hippies are not sexy. They're dirty!
Jeff Fischer : Exactly!
Roger : [to Jeff] And you, if you're tossing it to your mother-in-law, it damn well better be a Frisbee!
Jeff Fischer : Sir, yes, sir!
[everyone starts to leave]
Roger : Hey, no one is dismissed! Not until you thank this fish! These are all his ideas! I'm just an authoritative mouthpiece!
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Francine Smith : It must be fun to play an Army guy.
Roger : Play? Puppies play! Reese Witherspoon plays to her strengths when she takes on middle-of-the-road romantic comedies like "Sweet Home Alabama."
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Roger : [to Steve] How many times have you been playing with yourself a day?
Steve Smith : Three.
Roger : We're going to up that to five.
[writes on a clipboard]
Roger : You can take this prescription to any room in the house with Kleenex and have it filled.
Steve Smith : Thanks, Doc.
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Roger : [after punching Klaus] Punch a fish, make a wish.
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Roger : Ow! I stepped on that glass! I stepped on that mother-loving glass! You're all sued when I get back!
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Roger : That's why I'm the perfect soldier and the perfect guy to watch movies with. I don't poke holes. I just enjoy the ride.