Movie Nights (TV Series)

We Wish You a Turtle Christmas (2011)

Allison Pregler: Obscurus Lupa

Quotes 

• Obscurus Lupa : [singing]  Oh, I wish you a Turtle Christmas/ I know James Rolfe already did this/ It's such a piece of poopis/ so shut the hell up.

• Obscurus Lupa : You get the hell away from me, turtles!

• Obscurus Lupa : They had some major trouble with the boss of the store though.

  [cut to] 

  Shredlous : I cannot BELIEVE they made me work on Christmas. Hey, stop singing and dancing. Either buy something or get out!

• Turtles : [singing]  We're the turtles and we're waiting for you.

  Obscurus Lupa : Wait, they're waiting for me? What the hell?

  Turtles : [singing]  We're the turtles and we're on our way.

  Obscurus Lupa : On your way? Like, to my house?

• Obscurus Lupa : There's no way it can beat Ninja Turtles 3 a.k.a. the greatest film of the series bar none.

• Obscurus Lupa : Why is he Jamaican?

• Leonardo : [singing]  Christmas eve and all is ready.

  Turtles : Fa la la la la, la la la la.

  Leonardo : No Bebop and no Rocksteady.

  Obscurus Lupa : Oh I only wish that a pig and a rhino would crash through that wall right about now.

• Obscurus Lupa : So let me get this straight, you got gifts for everyone, except for the only other dude who lives with you? How many people do you know? Don't make excuses, you were so desperate for characters earlier that you were wishing Shredder a merry Christmas.

• Obscurus Lupa : If the stores are closing and you're taking the time to sing a musical number about your urgency to get a gift, then show some urgency to get the gift!

• Obscurus Lupa : They just shoved that kid out of the way. Those turtles are assholes.

• Raphael : I'd just like to point out to you guys that there are now only two hours of shopping left before Christmas.

  Obscurus Lupa : What? Back in the sewer, Raphael pointed out that it was 5 o'clock, so did they just spend five hours shitting the time away with musical numbers? You have no sense of time management, dudes.

• Michaelangelo : I could always sing for him.

  Turtles : Not!

  Obscurus Lupa : You know the "not" joke doesn't work like that, right?

• Obscurus Lupa : When they release Gotta Get a Gift as a single, I'll be first in line to buy it.

• Leonardo : [singing]  How about a set of golf clubs?

  Donatello : Splinter's not athletic.

  Obscurus Lupa : Well, thanks for taking the time to point that out. Not everyone can be as buff as you, jerkass.

  Leonardo : A bowling ball, some ice skates.

  Donatello : You guys are pathetic.

  Obscurus Lupa : What a jerk.

• Obscurus Lupa : So out of all the things you looked at as potential gifts, you settle on the framed pizza? Who the hell would want that? What store would sell that?

• Obscurus Lupa : Why are the kids in the sewer now? Forget the fact that they don't care that the turtles exist apparently, what parent would let their kids get into the sewer? Or wait, did the turtles kidnap them? Is this one of the gifts they got for Splinter: a harem of children?

• Obscurus Lupa : I am equal parts elated and sad. I'm unsure of what emotion to convey at this point.

• Splinter : [singing]  On the first day of Christmas, the turtles gave to me: a pizza with pepperoni.

  Obscurus Lupa : Yeah, I wonder who's going to end up eating that. Wait, are they gonna do the WHOLE twelve days of Christmas song? Fuck!

• Turtles : [singing]  The wrap rap. Wrap rap. Say it again.

  Obscurus Lupa : No, I'd rather not.