- Philomena Cunk: Not everyone enjoyed the swinging sound of Christianity; especially in Rome where Christians were persecuted, which is Latin for: "shat on".
- Philomena Cunk: The Dark Ages were a tragedy for human progress; that put back the rollout of 5G by hundreds of years.
- Philomena Cunk: What's ironic about Jesus Christ becoming a carpenter was he was actually named after the two words you're most likely to shout after hitting your thumb with a hammer. Scholars believe he was a real historical figure, like Justin Timberlake or Garfield. Whether or not they think he was the actual son of God who performed miracles like walking on wine or helping a deaf man see... they all agree he preached tolerance and forgiveness, a message so important his most ardent followers would eventually start killing anyone who didn't want to hear it.