- Rosalee Calvert: [Cleaning the spice shop] Look, I really appreciate you helping me out with all this.
- Monroe: Well, you'll never know when I might need a discount on... tincture of prickle poppy?
- Rosalee Calvert: Yeah, that's for, um, romantic stamina.
- Monroe: Oh. Well... no wonder I didn't know what it was.
- Monroe: I have a bikram class at 6 a.m. and hot yoga on too-little sleep is how groin-pulls happen.
- Monroe: [Later, on the phone] Hey, Nick, I thought a vacation for you kind of meant, you know, vacation for me, too.
- Nick Burkhardt: Look, I'm sorry. You know, this wasn't part of my weekend plans. Hey, how was hot yoga? You pull a groin or anything?
- Monroe: My groin is fine, thank you.
- [Rosalee gives him a look]
- Juliette Silverton: I can't believe you remember what we had on our first date.
- Nick Burkhardt: How can I forget that? That's the most expensive date I ever had in my life.
- Juliette Silverton: Not if you add in what happened after that.
- Nick Burkhardt: Ooh. Yeah, or after that.
- Timothy Steinkellner: Are you insane?
- Nick Burkhardt: Well, I'm in the woods, I just cut a golden egg out of a girl's neck, you tell me.
- Monroe: Molly, my girlfriend from high school, left me for a klaustreich, so I might be a wee bit biled up about them. He told her he loved her. He got her pregnant. She ended up delivering his litter at prom. Her parents were not thrilled.
- Nick Burkhardt: Well, I hate to say it, but getting pregnant in high school isn't exactly unheard of.
- Monroe: Maybe, but what happened next was. After she told her parents who the father was, they went to the cops. He paid her a little visit before he skipped town. As a goodbye, he slashed her face.
- Nick Burkhardt: Oh... I hope the cops caught him.
- Monroe: [rubs his stomach] Oh, they didn't... but someone else did.
- Opening Quote: Sing my precious little golden bird, sing! I have hung my golden slipper around your neck.